Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category


Progress? None yet

July 27, 2015

I’d like to say that in a month I’ve gained significable progress and look much better but actually the only thing I’ve gained is a few extra holiday pounds from all the ice-cream, cider, cava and barbeque food. I must admit I haven’t done my physiotherapist’s excercises on every day either. On Monday I return to work and at the same time I plan to make a diet makeover.

profile relaxed

Profile relaxed

Profile with deep core muscles activated

Profile with deep core muscles activated

Front relaxed

Front relaxed

Sorry about the crappy camera quality but you get the picture. I want to look at least close to the middle picture without sucking my stomach in.

Currently because most of the extra pounds (I’m 64.3kg i.e. 10 stones 1.8 pounds at the moment) are all on my waist it’s quite difficult to see what is fat and what is actual diastasis recti. And to make it even more difficult, endo also wants to play her part of course. The swelling comes and goes and that is also hard to distinguish when to blaim endo for my looks.

So to make it easier to see my diastasis recti healing process I’m gonna get rid of the extra pounds during the next 3 months.

My diet plan

Basically no pasta, rice or white bread. No candy, ice-cream, cake (or anything I love, sob)

  • Breakfast: 2 slices of rye bread, margarin, turkey and salad, cup of coffee with milk
  • Lunch: Salad with chicken/fish and cottage cheese
  • Snack: Banana or slice of rye bread with margarin and cottage cheese
  • Dinner: Wok/Soup/Salad with chicken/fish
  • Evening snack: Fruits with Greek youghurt + müsli or slice of rye bread with margarin and cottage cheese

My daily calory goal is approx. 1500 cal/day. No eating after 7 PM. On one day of the week I will cut some slack and have a nice dinner with DH at home and have a cider or a few glasses of wine. I plan to jog 1-2 times a week and go to the aerobics class once a week and make my physiotherapist’s excercises every day. More sports is just impossible with all the other stuff in my life.

So 1st November 2015 I plan will weigh 60 kg. On summer 2016 I plan to wear a bikini and actually feel awesome in it.


Third one on the way? No, even though I look like it.

June 15, 2015

Hello there my old friends and new ones. It’s been very very quiet here, since I haven’t been on ttc any more. My daughter just turned 4 and she’s the greatest. When other girls wanted a face paint on a birthday party they asked for princess, cat or a butterfly. And dear S? She wanted Turtles. But settled for a spider because the lady couldn’t paint Turtles as she didn’t have green colour on her stock.

We’ve had our ups and serious downs with DH but still after all the struggles we are together. It hasn’t been easy in any sense.

We’ve also had discussions of the possibility for the third child. But in several ways it feels that train has already passed. In a way I’m ridiculously sure that something would go wrong if I got pregnant the third time. No one can be that lucky. And as cute as newborns are, I remember too vividly the nights of not sleeping at all and being a complete zombie. Or actually don’t remember, if there weren’t photos of year 2011 and 2012 I couldn’t say what the hell happened in our life.

As for endometriosis, I’ve got the greatest doctor and she put me on this drug called Visanne. I’ve been on it for a year and it’s heaven. No period, no pain, no side effects. Only thing you can count as a minus is the price, but I’m happy to pay for this feeling.

Let’s get back on track and explain the title.

A few weeks ago a colleague was leaving and on her party another colleague (childless, 60ish lady) asked me in front of everyone “when are you starting your maternity leave?” “I’m not, thank you very much” I answered irritated.

But it’s true. I look 4 months preggo and that’s not good.

I used to be able to eat whatever and nothing sticked. Those days are definetely over. It’s 10 kg after the babies and even though I don’t mind the bigger boobs and booty it’s the mommytummy I want to get rid of.

Earlier I couldn’t really tell what was swelling from endo and what was not. Now that I feel pretty much endo free I started some googling with “diastasis recti“. I visited a doctor recently and she examined my abdomen and confirmed my doubts; my abs are separated but luckily not very severely. Today I had my first appointment with the physiotherapist and she did an ultrasound confirming the same condition.

The physiotherapist was great. She gave me two excercises to work on and promised if I followed the routine I would see results already in a month. The problem is not only how my belly looks. The problem is also my mid torso weakness; I cannot sit for a long time straight. I want to get my posture right and loose the preggo look. Not so much lose weight, maybe 2-3 kg would be nice (I’m now 63kg) but basically just to look and feel normal again.

So this blog will become alive at least for a while, and I will report my proceeding with the project. Next time I promise pictures!


My philosophy as a mother

December 19, 2011

I think I have none.

I have fed my both babies with breast and bottle, tried out cloth nappies and decided I prefer disposable ones, carried my babies in Manduca and in a sling as well as pushed them in the stroller and let them sit in the bouncer and crawl on the cat hair filled floor. Our kids have rules but they do have kisses and hugs too. I’m not pro-any “mother-ism”, I only pro-getting through the day the most comfortable way for us.

If I get through the day with both kids unharmed, fed and diapers changed I think I’ve done a good job. If I get to take a nap with the kids that’s a huge bonus. If our son doesn’t throw more than three tantrums during the day, that’s a miracle. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children but in the evening I’m exhausted.

Here’s our usual schedule: (DD=Dear daughter, DS=Dear son)

1 AM I give DD her bottle

During the night 2-random amount of baby soothing and finding the missing pacifier

5-6 AM Feeding no. 2 after which little miss sunshine chatters in her crib next to me, obviously too loud for me to sleep.

7 AM DH wakes up and gives DS his morning porridge with blueberries, sometimes DD sleeps this time but if she doesn’t, he feeds her too.

8.30 AM DH wakes me up and leaves for work

8.30-9.15 AM I have my breakfast, clean up some (or not), dream of having a shower, we watch cartoons and play in DS’s room.

A rare happening

watching the morning children's programs

9.15 AM I try to put clothes on a kicking and screaming octopus, also known as our son. After yelling and fighting about the same thing over and over again I get him dressed, dress DD and try to put my own clothes as fast as possible while DD is screaming her lungs off because she hates waiting in her winter clothes.

9.30 I put both kids in the stroller and we head for grocery store nearby (approx 400m). Some times Sisu wants to walk on his own and the journey will take 30 minutes as he admires every car and squirrel on the way.

looking tired much?

9.40-10 AM At the grocery store, DS wants to have his own little shopping cart and tries to hit everyone in the store and puts groceries of his choice in the cart when I’m not watching. I try to get through the store with our mega-wide stroller without knocking things from the selves. One time I got stuck at the checkout counter because the way wasn’t wide enough. At the checkout DS tries to throw the groceries on the counter with variable success. After that he tries to run away through the entrance. I try to stuff the grocery bag under the stroller which is one of the most difficult things imaginable.

10-11.15 AM We go to the city organized play park near us to meet other kids and parents. If it’s good weather we play first outside, if not, I try to convince DS to get inside of me which he usually protests. Like today when he wanted to play in the pouring rain with no one else around. DS is a little attention thief and get’s all the personnel to play with him. DD usually sleeps in the stroller at least for 30 minutes while we are there, some times even the whole time. DS has a banana for snack, some times DD has some formula. If we go inside the whole battle with clothes is repeated when we leave for home. The play park is great. I get to meet other mom’s (and have even made friends with some) and DS gets to play with other kids. And it costs nothing.

11.30-12 AM I carry kids and shopping bags plus our diaper bag home. DS protests and want’s to play in the staircase and ring neighbor’s doorbell. I put DS’s food in the microwave, undress both kids outerwear (and myself while sweating like a pig), try to get DS to the table to eat his food and put Sissi in the bouncer and warm her food. Usually DS won’t eat by himself so I have to feed him first and let DD wait or try to feed them both simultaneously which is a challenge.

12 PM I change DS’s diaper, we do some potty training (or not) and he goes to nap with his bunnies and pacifier. I feed DD with pureed vegetables and meat, change her diaper and play with her if she isn’t tired. I try to clean some of the mess in the kitchen.

Pureed carrots and potatoes

12.30-1.30 PM DD has some formula and goes to her nap. I sit on the computer and have some quality time with gmail, facebook and others and try to do some tasks for our web shop. I warm my lunch (last night’s delicious leftovers) in the microwave and eat it while watching some quality entertainment (like ANTM) on tv.

1.30 PM I try to crawl as quiet as possible to the bedroom so DD won’t wake up and I can have my nap aswell. Or then DS will wake up at this time (like today) and there’s no nap for mommy! Or then I’m greedy and use all the nap time for school assignments, internets or tv.

DS in his bed

Around 2-3 PM DS wakes up, I change his diaper and give him cereal with yogurt. Usually DD wakes up soon as well and I give her some pureed fruits.

3-5 PM We play inside, watch cartoons and DS might paint something. Some days we go outside but now it get’s pitch black dark at 4PM and it’s raining so that option is not very tempting. Sometimes we get a play date visitor and mommies can have a cup of coffee and gossip while the kids play.

Intense painting exercise

enjoying coffee and cinnamon buns

5 PM DS and DD have dinner, DD will go to nap no 3.

5.30 PM DH gets home from work, he will play with DS and we watch tv.

6 PM DD wakes from her nap

6.30 PM DS has his evening porridge, DD has some pureed fruit

6.45 PM DS goes to take a shower and we wash his teeth. DD might have her bath (not every evening) and we wash her teeth.

7 PM Both kids go to sleep, DD might have some formula.

7. 30 PM Me and DH have dinner, talk about the day and watch crap on tv and relax. I might do some work on the computer or read for my thesis.

10.30 PM I go to sleep.

Our days go pretty much the same route. Going out every morning is a challenge but still I prefer it to staying inside.

And last but not least, happy holidays everyone 🙂


One year already

January 3, 2011

One year ago

First Christmas

One year ago S was only a couple of hours old and so tiny, 3,1kg only. Now he weighs about 11kg and has his own will and personality. Time has really gone fast and I guess before I know he’s going to school and moving out on his own!


12 weeks! (with u/s pics)

November 17, 2010

12 weeks is around here a milestone after which you are pretty much safe considering miscarriage and everyone starts to tell their family and friends. Only that we have already told almost everybody, since especially DH can’t seem to manage to keep his trap shut! We are still waiting for the blood test results before coming out of the closet in FB.

Nausea has been so much worse this time, some days I’ve really have had hard time concentrating on not to vomit. And still have managed to dodge it even though I’ve been gagging a lot. I havened gained any weight since eating hasn’t been too temptating. Potato crisps make my nausea go away but usually after eating anything the nausea comes back with a vengeange. Luckily these last two days have been better. My belly is huge already. Like there’s no way hiding it huge. I have my Master’s program classes next weekend and I guess everyone is going to notice it. Which, for some crazy reason I can’t figure out, feels  a little uncomfortable.

Sunday was Father’s day in Finland. I bought DH a book called “the worst human monsters”, it’s about dictators and crazy leaders like Hitler etc. Not the typical Father’s day gift but a perfect gift for him since he’s a history maniac 😀 I also baked a cake which looked like shit but was really really good. I guess the taste is the only thing that matters!

We had the NT-scan on Monday, everything looked good and now I can relax for a second and start to wait for the movements. I’ve heard that some women feel the tiniest movements on their second pregnancy already at 13 weeks! I’m still having a little hard time understanding (despite all the symptoms) that I am actually preggo and we are going to have another baby next summer. That a natural miracle happened to us. That we didn’t have to start a new IVF-rollercoaster. I don’t know can I still call myself infertile after this pregnancy, but I know that the experience of infertility will follow me rest of my life.

11weeks 5days



October 13, 2010

A perfect flickering heartbeat, baby measured 9.6mm. Expected due date 1st June 2011 🙂


I’m just going to blurt this out…

June 8, 2010

I posted this originally on May 23rd but wordpress somehow kept it unpublished.

I think I had a chemical.

I was waiting last week for AF to show for the second time after S’s birth so I could start bcps for endo.  She didn’t arrive on the day I was expecting her. There were some strange twinges in my uterus, my temps flew high (over 37c) and I had a feeling. So like any possessed poaser  I bought hpts. And got the faintest possible line, you know the kind you have to half imagine to see it. AF didn’t arrive on the next few days so of course I bought some more. And got again those imaginary lines on a few of them. My heart was racing like crazy. Could I be preggo? Omg are we going to have another baby and so soon?

Well I wasn’t preggo. Not for real anyway, AF showed up 5 days late and the hpts started to show nothing. But I believe I could have been pregnant for a second without any dildocams or hormones and that’s freaking amazing. Maybe I could get pregnant on my own. Or then again, maybe I was just imagining those ghost lines.

I started the bcps anyway. I know some might ask why not ttc right away? Because I don’t want to face any disappointments yet. I don’t want to start monitoring my body yet, counting the dpos, temping, hallusinating on symptoms, crying when AF arrives. TTC and relaxing don’t go hand in hand in my world. I start obsessing on the second I feel ovulation and can’t stop myself from checking all possible and impossible signs. So during this summer I’m going to enjoy my life and hope that endo stays under control. In the autumn we’ll hop on the ttc-train again but that will be another story.

I truly hope bcps will help with my endo. After S’s birth I’ve gotten now two periods and let me tell you, my left ovary has started a demonic life of its own. Feels like someone’s tied a knot there and keeps pulling it more tightly.

Along with the bcps breastfeeding is now totally over. I feel partly sad about this but try not to guilt myself too much. S has now started to taste some veggies and fruit; potatoes, carrots, bananas, plums and yesterday I treated him with strawberry. He’s such a big boy already. We watched a video footage from his first week and I had already forgotten that he was so tiny once.