Archive for the ‘movies’ Category



April 7, 2009

You need:

  1. One crazy infertile
  2. A 150 iu dosage of Gonal-F
  3. 4 Prednisone pills (did I mention that the side effects include PSYCHOSIS?!)
  4. One glass frame
  5. One graphic print
  6. Gigantic amount of stress and disappointment buried inside

Make the infertile stab herself with the needle in the morning and see that she swallows those pills too. Let them do their magic and wait for the evening. At 11.30PM provide the infertile with one glass frame and one print to be framed.

Result: One broken glass frame, one rageous tantrum that ended in tears.

Seriously, I was ready to throw the fragments all over the house and cut my wrists open. Because I broke the glass frame worth 10 euros. The attack was over soon luckily. Neverthless, Prednisone; I’m suspicious of you and your ways of working.

DH had a dream that we had a daughter, she was about 2 years old and we had all gone boating together. He told me she had blonde hair (like most Finnish kids) and wore a pink cardigan. I’m sure she was the cutest thing ever. I wish we get to meet her in real life too.

DH’s brother and his wife want to give us all the baby stuff they have at their place since their children are already big; 11 and 6 (if I remember correctly). They are going to garbage if we don’t take them. And as much as I support recycling I’m not feeling so good about the idea of dragging any baby stuff to our place because there’s no guarantee of us ever having a baby. Imagine the horror of having a store room full of baby accessories and never being able to use them. It would be too sad. Only thing more sad I’ve seen is a baby’s shirt my great aunt had sewn with lace collar and everything and no baby ever wore it.

Speaking of horror; we ordered two movie posters yesterday:



Rosemary's baby

Rosemary's baby

I think the latter is just perfect for the obsessed infertile.


The joy of being unemployed

January 27, 2009

As I’ve written before, I’m not so keen on public transport. To get to my workplace it takes about 40 minutes with two different buses. This morning, in the sardine-packed commuter hell I suddenly realized: I don’t have to take this shit for much longer anymore, as my contract ends 5th February! And I started to think all the other good things about not going to work.

  • I can sleep as long as I want to. No more 6.30 wake-ups for me!
  • No more standing in the bus stop in pitch black morning freezing my ass off !
  • No zombieing around and surfing the net for 8hours because there’s nothing to do
  • I don’t have to deal with certain people EVER again or listen to their shit
  • Nobody is tracking how long my lunch break takes
  • I’ll finally have time for all my own creative projec

Doesn’t sound too bad 🙂 The only things I will miss are my great co-workers; two guys who started at the same time with me and with whom I’ve had so much fun and of course the MONEY.

Something funny happened on Sunday. There was a documentary film festival going on last week. I wanted to book ticket to a screening on Sunday for a documentary about Finnish nuns. I messed with the dates and had to change my ticket to a film called “Everything is relative” that was screened on Sunday. Well, Sunday morning I went to collect my ticket (I had paid it on the net before hand) and didn’t look at it, just went to the theatre. When the movie was about to start a person came in front to announce the following title. It definetely was not “Everything is relative”.  It was called “Mysterion”. Well, maybe this is a short film before the actual title I thought. A few minutes passed and I realized that it was not a short movie. I was in the wrong fucking theatre. Actually in the wrong building too. But since the movie had already started and I thought what the hell, I’ll watch this instead even though I had no idea what the title would be about. And here comes the good part; it was a documentary about nuns! Only Estonian ones 😀 I guess the universe had meant for me to see something about nuns after all!

Yesterday we went to see “the Wrestler”. Mickey Rourke was amazing. Truly a movie worth watching.

On the ivf; it’s CD28, I’m having some cramps so I guess it’ll be AF soon. I also have a terrible headache but I guess it’s because we didn’t have any coffee at home this morning so I missed my daily fix. Next Tuesday is the first u/s and I’ll start the Gonal-fs. I talked with my parents on the phone and mom asked about our if-treatments. I told about the ivf-schedule and how everything is costing a zillion. Mom said that if we run out of money for the treatments, they will help us and we won’t have to pay back. I was so relieved to hear this, it was like a huge weight off my back. Because we only have the money for one round of ivf and there’s no guarantee it will work. I feel blessed that they are willing to participate.


Another smart move

December 30, 2008

..on my part was going to see the Baz Luhrmann movie “Australia” today with DH. An old-fashioned, suberbly emotional, bombastic drama. Perfect for the moody, tearful infertile on the edge! What next, will I sign up as a volunteer to kindergarten so I can maximize my agony to the full? There should be a law against people as stupid as me.

Thanks again for all the supporting comments. Today (after the movie) was a little better. I’m hoping 2009 will be so much better in many ways and I can bury the shitty 2008 so deep I won’t ever have to look back to it again. Cheers to that! (I have 3 bottles of cheap italian sparkling wine for tomorrow. NO I’m not going to drink all of them by myself. Only half of it.)


Scandinavian promotion

December 22, 2008

We went to see a Swedish vampire film “Let the right one in (Låt den rätte komma in) on Saturday. A haunting experience I must say. Not the typical horror movie but something much more; the kind of film that stays in the back of your head for a long time.

Too bad there’s going to be an American version of it too (like all of the European/Japanese horror movies); I’m sure it’ll miss all the fundamental scandinavian atmosphere of the original film.

And while I’m shamelessly promoting scandinavian stuff; here’s an author I want to recommend: Johanna Sinisalo. She writes fantasy/sci-fi- influenced prose that’s actually closer to magic realism. I’m reading a short story collection of hers every morning and evening on my way to work and I love her style. Imaginative and captivating. And also she’s my personal hero as she’s hiked like a zillion kilometers all around the world.

One day left of work, then it’s holidays until 7th January! And maybe much longer too…


IUI#2, maybe in a week already!

October 2, 2008

It’s CD6 and I already have some twinges on my left ovary side like last month too. If my cycle continues similar to the last one I’ll probably O on next Thursday or Friday. That means next IUI already in one week :)! Doc said that I don’t have to come in for u/s but only wait for a positive OPK this month and then make the call and book an appointment for the next day!

I don’t have my hopes as high this month though. Maybe because of the last disappointment, maybe because I know that with IUI you have much lower success rates than with IVF. But no giving up. Promise. The Finnish autumn isn’t the greatest time to try to stay high spirited, as it’s raining cats and dogs and the weather is gray, gloomy and depressing. I wonder how I’ll survive through the pitch black winter months if this doesn’t work. I try to get myself to think that this IS going to work and we WILL succeed. Somedays it’s just hard to believe in that.

We went to see Wall-E yesterday. If Kung-fu Panda was a great piece of animation, this was even better! The cg was amazing and the characters were stunning. Entertaining, fun, touching. The movie was so sweet I was constantly on the verge of tears. But good tears 🙂 Later we had dinner on a bbq place next to the movie theatre, I had tiger prawns which are one of my ultimate favourites and DH had really delicious swordfish.

Thanks everyone for the nice comments about my work! I’m heading to the class again this evening and have ideas for my next piece. I’m also trying to have time to update my online portfolio and I’m hoping to post a link for you in near future!


Staying positive

September 14, 2008

Ok, still strong positive OPK at 2PM today (CD13). I guess that is a good sign. Tomorrow morning DH will go to the clinic at 8AM to release his swimmers and I’ll get an appointment later that day for the IUI. Now all thumbs and toes up that the eggie will be still around that time!

We’ve already shot 6 scenes of our movie, and plan to do some more later this evening. I love our crazy projects. Now I’m off to some kicking and boxing :)!


Total Awesomeness!

August 4, 2008

We went to see Kung Fu Panda on Friday after work. It was a totally awesome movie. Hilarious, entertaining, pretty cg eye-candy with good voice-acting. I ❤ Jack Black. It was definetely his movie.

Before the film there were commercials as usual, and during one phone operator spot I almost burst into hormonal tears; it was about a nerdy little boy going to school for the first day and his mother taking him there. Of course I started thinking if I’ll ever get to take my child to school and wait for them anxiously to come home. And then I started to think what if I’ll finally get pregnant and we’ll get a girl and I’ll pass on all this endometriosis shit to her and she’ll have all these problems aswell? Luckily the movie was so good it took my faul mood away. The PMS-hormone attacks are a true bitch. One time pmsing I even cried when  Paul Potts was singing on the telly. Seriously. That’s sick.

After the movie we went to eat in a Greek restaurant and during a 5 minutes time I saw 3 pregnant women parading by the window rubbing their bellies. Couldn’t there be a law that pregnant women should stay at home or with their giant bellies?

The trip to Naantali was great even though the weather wasn’t. I’ll post some photos later. The villa was cosy and in the middle of the pretty old town. I envy the people who get to live there on a regular basis. We popped the champagne (though we are so ignorant we couldn’t really taste the difference to a chepaer bubbly) and had strawberries and chocolate with it and gave each other presents. I quess not quite the traditional wedding anniversary gifts but then again we are not the most traditional people either. My husband told me beforehand that he had picked a gift that he was sure would make me laugh. And of course I bursted into spontaneus laughter after opening the wrapping and seeing this:

The best gift really! I’ve been missing Brenda & Co so much these years 😀 We already watched the first episode yesterday. As we are games/movies/entertainment-junkies, my gift to my Husband was in a digital disc aswell.  We tried out some zombie-whacking yesterday evening, quite much fun!

On the Saturday evening we dined in a fancy restaurant and I slipped from my diet with the half a bottle of champagne, half a bottle of chardonnay, white bread, chocolate and the delicious panna cotta I had for dessert. You could say we truly enjoy eating. It was a great evening. I love my husband. And food. But now I’m back to my regime. Swear.

This morning while walking to the bus stop through the forest the weather felt so autumny. I love autumn but couldn’t we get more of summer than 2 days this year? The climate change messes everything up. No real summers anymore, no real winters with snow. Only gray, rainy days.

It’s CD24, temp was 36.9C this morning. Heavy cramps, massive back pain yesterday. I predict AF for this afternoon.

Just noticed that my sneakers smell like cat’s pee. Thanks guys.