Archive for the ‘mood swings’ Category

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Formula

April 7, 2009

You need:

  1. One crazy infertile
  2. A 150 iu dosage of Gonal-F
  3. 4 Prednisone pills (did I mention that the side effects include PSYCHOSIS?!)
  4. One glass frame
  5. One graphic print
  6. Gigantic amount of stress and disappointment buried inside

Make the infertile stab herself with the needle in the morning and see that she swallows those pills too. Let them do their magic and wait for the evening. At 11.30PM provide the infertile with one glass frame and one print to be framed.

Result: One broken glass frame, one rageous tantrum that ended in tears.

Seriously, I was ready to throw the fragments all over the house and cut my wrists open. Because I broke the glass frame worth 10 euros. The attack was over soon luckily. Neverthless, Prednisone; I’m suspicious of you and your ways of working.

DH had a dream that we had a daughter, she was about 2 years old and we had all gone boating together. He told me she had blonde hair (like most Finnish kids) and wore a pink cardigan. I’m sure she was the cutest thing ever. I wish we get to meet her in real life too.

DH’s brother and his wife want to give us all the baby stuff they have at their place since their children are already big; 11 and 6 (if I remember correctly). They are going to garbage if we don’t take them. And as much as I support recycling I’m not feeling so good about the idea of dragging any baby stuff to our place because there’s no guarantee of us ever having a baby. Imagine the horror of having a store room full of baby accessories and never being able to use them. It would be too sad. Only thing more sad I’ve seen is a baby’s shirt my great aunt had sewn with lace collar and everything and no baby ever wore it.

Speaking of horror; we ordered two movie posters yesterday:

Nosferatu

Nosferatu

Rosemary's baby

Rosemary's baby

I think the latter is just perfect for the obsessed infertile.

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Breakdown

October 25, 2008

Had the obligatory CD2 lunatic attack today. I mean that hormonal crying seizure attack that turns me into something I despise. I sure as hell don’t want to be anything like that and yet every cycle it happens and I have no control over it. Poor DH who has to comfort me when I turn into that red-faced, puffy-eyed, weeping monster woman. She’s not me, I’m not her. I refuse to think that behaviour as a part of my identity.

But I’m ok now, the swing has passed and a little Saturday night html-coding (for the webshop) and power rock made me feel so much better 🙂

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A better day

September 26, 2008

Yesterday’s hormonal storm seems to be calming down. Luckily. I hate those days when I feel like a bag of emotional toxic waste and can’t control my feelings at all. Like yesterday while riding the bus to my graphic’s class, I had to fight with all my mental power the tears not to come. And I want to apologize to that trainee at Subway’s, I’m sorry I snapped at you because you tried to put tomatoes on my chicken teriaki sandwich when I had told you I didn’t want any. But that’s what infertile pms-bitches are like. Last two cycles were much better regarding the mood swings. Last month I didn’t have any of this shit.

I still have the cramps and I’m just waiting for AF to arrive but I’m feeling much better mentally. Ok, we didn’t succeed on the first round but we’ll move on to the next one. And maybe with some hormonal enhancements this time. I think the problem might be with implantation (either that or the fertilization), because I’m sure the ovulation part is working fine. So I’ll ask the doc could we add progesteron to the game since it should help the implantation process.

Yesterday’s graphic’s class was so therapeutic. Just what I needed; during those three hours I didn’t think about ttc for a second. I’ll post my new work as soon as I get it scanned!

I’m so glad it’s friday today and I have the weekend ahead of me. Today I’ll go see The other Boleyn girl with my cousin after work. It’s her first time out on her own after her son (my goodson) was born in April. Tomorrow one of our friends has a graduation party and I’m sure it’ll be a lot of fun :D! And we’ll also continue the filming of our horror movie tomorrow morning.

What comes to my endo-diet, I’ve slipped quite badly during the last few weeks. We’ve got a video rental place next to our workplace and you can buy candy pick’n’mix styled there. Needless to say, I’m a regular customer. Now that I started to think about it, maybe bringing chocolate back as a regular to my diet is causing the moodswings! Could it be?

And I’ll POAS tomorrow morning if AF hasn’t arrived before it. Just to make sure I can have my ciders with a peaceful mind.

Have a good weekend everyone, I’m gonna enjoy mine :)!