Archive for the ‘AF’ Category


bcps, why do you hate me?

June 28, 2010

From the moment we met after my 16th birthday me and bcps used to be best of friends. No endo pain (though I didn’t even know I had endo back then), no acne, no mood swings. Everything was just peachy between us two.

Now after last AF (or chemical pg?) I wanted to refresh our friendship again to keep endo away. But obviously bcps hold a grudge against me for ditching her and getting preggo because I ended up bleeding for 5 WEEKS IN A ROW, my face exploded and I was feeling like shit. Must say that’s one hell of an effective contraceptive since who wants to have sex when AF is visiting permanently and you are constantly snapping on DH?

I popped the first round of pills (while enjoying AF for the whole fucking month) and started the second one. Bleeding stopped finally. Then 10 days after I forgot to take one pill (nothing to get excited about) and 2 days later I’m BLEEDING AGAIN. During the 10 years I was on bcps there were many times I forgot to take one pill and this never happened. Obviously, bcps and I aren’t friends anymore. So I threw them away. And guess we are now on the ttc-train again. As scary as it is, yet strangely exciting at the same time.


Ivf cycle officially started!

January 28, 2009

AF is here, so it’s the official CD1 of my ivf/icsi-cycle!

Holy shit, we are actually, really doing this! Next week I’ll start poking the needles. Nasal spray will continue along with the gonal-fs until  trigger shot.

I’m scared as hell.

But a little bit excited too.



October 24, 2008

For a second I thought we might have succeeded as AF didn’t show up yesterday. But I guess it was just her playing hide and seek with me because here she’s today, one day late. And I even poased this morning only to see NOTHING but the crimson red control line. Will I ever get to see even a shadow of that magical second line?  Sigh.

I have the appointment with RE next Wednesday and I have like a hundred questions to ask her. Like is my usual 12 LP long enough? Why do I get sore nipples every other cycle, not every cycle? What is this thing with the backache only 3 DPO? Does my body recognize already at 3DPO if the egg hasn’t fertilized? Is our problem  the fertilization or the implantation? Will I get some hormonal booster this cycle? Is IUI useless? Will we ever get a a baby?

I’m back at work and it’s a total chaos here. I will so deserve those ciders tonight!



October 23, 2008

So the flu definetely got me. I stayed home yesterday and today too, tomorrow I’ll try to go to work because my colleague is absent too. And in the evening we are going out with my cousin :)! DH is out of town for two nights because their band is playing in Pori. I hate being home alone sick. I remember when I moved out from my parents and the first time I got ill and there was nobody to take care of me.  It was devastating. At home mom was always there to take care of everything. But luckily the mailman just brought me another season of BH90210 and a copy of my fav Finnish women’s magazine 🙂 So it’s not too bad.

I counted wrong and AF is really due today. I didn’t even bother to poas because I know it’ll be useless, the back pain and cramps are far too familiar. My breasts are a bit sore but so mildly I might be just imaginating it. I’m sure it’s nothing.

But now to see some Brenda & co. action and the horrible 90’s fashion :)!


Towards IUI #2

September 27, 2008

Tested a BFN this morning. I didn’t honestly believe that there would be two lines. A couple of hours later dear AF arrived. I feel ok about this, as I saw it coming already a week ago.

Now two more weeks and then the next IUI :)! I don’t want to wait because as an endo-patient after laparoscopy your best opportunities to conceive are some 6 months post surgery. I got the bill for the first IUI yesterday on mail and was positively surprised; it was much less than I expected, 176 euros. DH already paid his part which was some 90 euros so 266e in total. What I don’t understand is the fact that dildocam-treatment is the most expensive part of all this; 124 euros. The IUI itself was marked worth of  21 euros.

The first round was rehearsal, now we are moving towards the real round! I’m not gonna give up and lose my hope yet.


A better day

September 26, 2008

Yesterday’s hormonal storm seems to be calming down. Luckily. I hate those days when I feel like a bag of emotional toxic waste and can’t control my feelings at all. Like yesterday while riding the bus to my graphic’s class, I had to fight with all my mental power the tears not to come. And I want to apologize to that trainee at Subway’s, I’m sorry I snapped at you because you tried to put tomatoes on my chicken teriaki sandwich when I had told you I didn’t want any. But that’s what infertile pms-bitches are like. Last two cycles were much better regarding the mood swings. Last month I didn’t have any of this shit.

I still have the cramps and I’m just waiting for AF to arrive but I’m feeling much better mentally. Ok, we didn’t succeed on the first round but we’ll move on to the next one. And maybe with some hormonal enhancements this time. I think the problem might be with implantation (either that or the fertilization), because I’m sure the ovulation part is working fine. So I’ll ask the doc could we add progesteron to the game since it should help the implantation process.

Yesterday’s graphic’s class was so therapeutic. Just what I needed; during those three hours I didn’t think about ttc for a second. I’ll post my new work as soon as I get it scanned!

I’m so glad it’s friday today and I have the weekend ahead of me. Today I’ll go see The other Boleyn girl with my cousin after work. It’s her first time out on her own after her son (my goodson) was born in April. Tomorrow one of our friends has a graduation party and I’m sure it’ll be a lot of fun :D! And we’ll also continue the filming of our horror movie tomorrow morning.

What comes to my endo-diet, I’ve slipped quite badly during the last few weeks. We’ve got a video rental place next to our workplace and you can buy candy pick’n’mix styled there. Needless to say, I’m a regular customer. Now that I started to think about it, maybe bringing chocolate back as a regular to my diet is causing the moodswings! Could it be?

And I’ll POAS tomorrow morning if AF hasn’t arrived before it. Just to make sure I can have my ciders with a peaceful mind.

Have a good weekend everyone, I’m gonna enjoy mine :)!


Countdown to IUI starts today!

September 2, 2008

Yep, it’s CD1. Had the shortest cycle ever. As I O’d already on cd13, this cycle was only 25 days long. And AF totally caught me surprise, which is RARE for anyone with endo. Usually it’s bad, BAD and worse cramps a whole week before AF’s dear visit but this time I only had mild back pain. I thank the acupuncture for this.

CD1 means IUI in two weeks if everything goes normally! Woohoo! Things are rolling! Tomorrow before returning to work from holiday’s I’ll go do my CD2 bloodwork and make an appointment for the u/s around CD9-11. My guess is we’ll have IUI on Friday 12th September or Monday the 15th as our clinic isn’t open on weekends. I just hope I won’t O on Sunday then.

About the trip. It was awesome. I can’t really describe Lapland. It’s Finland but at the same time it feels like a completely different world. The sceneries are beautiful in a bare way; nothing much really grows there and you mostly see rugged fells, crystal clear lakes and the sky. It feels like the sky is much closer to you there because the only trees that grow there are small fell birches. I love the place. It’s magical. My father’s mother was born in Lapland and even though she has lived most of her adult life in southern Finland I’ve always felt that Lapland still is very important to her and visiting the place is a way of honoring my roots. She is 91 years old and a really tough cookie.

We left Helsinki on Wednesday morning and drove some 8 hours (well DH drove, I kept company) via west coast and towns Vaasa and Kokkola to Oulu to my friends place where we spent the night.

Next morning I went to a clinic to do my CD21 bloodwork and then I drove most of the time until Kilpisjärvi. Up north driving is fun; no other cars around, only occasional reindeers and an open road with breathtaking sceneries around you. For the last 100km I was grinning like an idiot; the sun was shining and the landscape grew more and more beautiful each passing kilometer. When we got to Kilpisjärvi it was 5PM and we immediately left for the 11km hike.

Our beloved Fiat (piece of shit, really)

Our beloved Fiat (piece of shit, really)

The brave hikers ready for take off

The brave hikers ready for take off

I was so happy to be there again. I walked the same trail 6 years ago with my ex (geek who dumped me to get a more obedient and easy-going girlfriend but that’s another story) and all these years I’ve waited to go back. As we left so late there were no other hikers around. Just us and the vast nature. And silence. I soon noticed though that as 6 years ago I was 20 years old and had the stamina and energy of an 20 year old, now at 26 I felt like an crippled old lady trying to make my way through the rocky hills with my heart racing in my throat. Neverthless, the views were completely worth the pain.

After the last picture the battery of my shitty camera died so I don’t have a visual proof of the rest of the evening. We got to the camping spot around 10PM and noticed that the little cabin there was already full with damn scouts so we had no other option than to sleep in the tent. At the moment the temp was maybe +3C. We cooked some chicken stew with our trek cooker and put all the clothes we had on. Note to self: next time, buy a proper sleeping bag, not a cheap one. During the night the temp crept under 0C and it was really cold. I slept maybe two hours during the whole night. Next morning when I got up I felt like someone had beated me thorougly with a baseball bat. We decided that one night playing the survivors was enough and called a cabin rental place and reserved accommodation for the following two nights in a lodge with our own sauna. We visited the place where Finland’s, Sweden’s and Norway’s borders cross and I’m sorry I don’t have a picture from there, it’s a really beautiful spot by the lake with mountains around. Then we packed our things again and started the hike back. Those 11 km were quite painful, my left shoulder was really hurting because of carrying the backpack and I felt the flu creeping back on me. But the thought of a warm sauna kept us going.

We got finally to the lodge and it was much better than what we had hoped for. Our own sauna, a huge kitchen, bedroom upstairs and even a tv to watch the new season of Finnish Big Brother! That’s me chilling after the sauna, feeling very happy.

Next morning we headed to Norway by car. Kilpisjärvi is just on the border of Finland and Norway, but already after crossing the border (there are no formalities, you just drive to another country) the sceneries change. Norway has much higher mountains and of course the Arctic Sea.

In the afternoon the sun was shining again and we climbed to the Fell Saana on Finland’s side. I’ve done the climb twice before, first at about 11 years age and again 6 years ago. Needless to say, views were magnificent.

Next morning we bid the place goodbye and drove som 7 hours to Rovaniemi, where we booked us a place on the night train. The ticket for our car costed as much the ticket for both of us together! We also visited Santa Claus’ village and even met the man himself. You weren’t allowed to take your own photos there, but could only buy the overpriced picture they took so I don’t have a picture from there. But meeting Santa was quite exciting 🙂 You all know that he lives in Finland, right? The place was filled with souvenir shops all selling the same expensive shit. Didn’t buy anything. Our train left 9PM and we were back in Helsinki 8.30 next morning. The train was super-modern; we even had our own shower and felt like little astronauts in our small cabin.

Tomorrow back to work (blah!), next weekend Tallinn and maybe IUI soon! I’m crossing my fingers and toes hoping this will work. It’s only 20% chance but somebody has to be that 20%, right?!