Archive for the ‘2ww’ Category

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Waiting…

March 2, 2009

There’s a knot of anxiety size of the planet earth in my stomach. They are going to call about my beta any minute now, between 2PM and 4PM Finnish time. I feel like throwing up and my hands are ice-cold.

The symptoms seem far too familiar for a positive outcome, yet there’s a tiny tiny sparkle of hope (or self-denial) in me that still keeps twinkling. Please please please let it be positive…

I spent this morning babysitting my godson, actually it was a great idea since if I had been alone at home the whole day waiting for the call I’d be climbing the walls at the moment. Looking after a 11-month old definetely takes all your attention and energy!

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February 27, 2009

Does desperation count as eps?

I feel just like af coming, no sore nips anymore, just cramps and feeling like shit.

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Monkeys in a car

February 25, 2009

I had two strangest dreams last night. In the first one I was in Helsinki trying to get to DH who was in the other side of town and I was stoned out of my mind,felt really dizzy and nauseous and woke up sweaty and thirsty.

Second one was maybe the craziest ever; I was walking with DH in a street at night/evening and a car that looked like an old VW beetle stopped by me. The car was full of monkeys and they wanted to give us a ride home. On the way home we got into a car crash and the rest of the dream I can’t really remember.

I know vivid dreams can be a eps but since it is perfectly normal for me to have dreams like these I’m not counting on it.

Symptoms yesterday:

  • Sore nipples
  • slightly sore bbs (especially in the evening)
  •  a little af-kind of cramping, less than 4dpt
  •  backache
  •  bloated pms-feeling
  •  chilliness, fluish feeling
  •  ovarian twinges
  •  weepyness when watching the oscar-show re-run on tv
  •  acne (as usual)
  •  crazy dreams

Symptoms today:

  •  Sore nipples
  •  af-kind of cramping, more than yesterday 😦
  •  backache
  •  bloated pms-feeling
  •  slight nausea (because of progesterone supplements)
  •  acne

I’m going home today after working for 3 days with the animations. If only this piece of shit computer would render faster I’d get there sooner.

Most of the time I’m desperate and ready to lose hope. And still there’s a very small spark of hope inside of me that says not to give up yet.

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Crazy 2ww-biaatch, 4dp3dt

February 23, 2009

That’s me. This must be how schitzophrenia feels like; one minute I’m sure the cramps and pms-ish feeling I’m having means this was a no go, next second I feel a “twinge” that gives me hope: “maybe it was the embryo”.

Symptoms so far:

0 dpt mild back pain 😦 😦 But since I got it already like 5 hours after transfer I’m not going to care about it this cycle. Screw you endo! Sore nipples.

1-2 dpt twinges and pinches in uterus, heavy feeling in lower abdomen, sore nipples, mild back pain

3-4dpt twinges and pinches in uterus, heavy feeling in lower abdomen, ovarian twinges, sore nipples, more back pain, very familiar cramps :(, bloated, pms-ish feeling, running nose and fluish feeling. Temp 37 C.

One week to beta. I’ve googled way too much. I swear, I have felt the embryo. I wish she/he is still alive and kicking and all the shit I’m feeling is just implantation. Yeah right, the power of self-denial.

I just want so much this to work.

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After Christmas

December 27, 2008

Christmas is over, we arrived home yesterday. I love my family but three nights is an absolute maximum I can spend at my parents’ home without going crazy. There’s nothing else to do there than eat, go to sauna (which was a bliss of course!) and watch telly. And we slept like 12 hours every night!

Here are some photos of the last few days:

In the morning of the Christmas eve we did a little trip to the forest

In the morning of the Christmas eve we did a little trip to the forest

We made a fire and drank some glogg in the woods

We made a fire and drank some glogg in the woods

Afterwards me and DH decorated the christmas tree

Afterwards me and DH decorated the christmas tree

Our christmas dinner

Our christmas dinner

The christmas tree in its full glory

The christmas tree in its full glory

My father as Santa

My father as Santa

I'm trying out our trekking cooker

I'm trying out our new trekking cooker

Coffee

Coffee

Zucchini pancakes

Zucchini pancakes

What comes to presents; I got almost everything I had wish for. A GPS to the car, new gloves, chocolate and a lot of things I haven’t asked for but was really glad to receive them; I especially loved the purple hoodie with red satin on the hood that my sister got me.

Almost all of my presents

Almost all of my presents

And the gift I wanted the most? I guess not. SIGH. I’m 12DPO and I will poas the day after tomorrow. But so far no extraordinary symptoms that would get me holding my breath.

This is what the 2ww-fairy has got for me this time:

  • mild cramps
  • ovarian pain on both sides (every day since O, I guess an endo symptom)
  • mild back pain (really intense pain on 4DPO)
  • headaches
  • dizziness & nausea (from the progesterone)
  • pain & tingling feeling on my breasts. Can’t really explain it, they are not sore to touch or when I’m moving but sometimes they hurt on their own in a funny way. I guess I had this last month too from the progesterone.

We are having a sales at the jewelryshop! All prices are cut down to 10-60% from the original ones. And we do ship abroad 🙂

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Que sera?

December 21, 2008

I feel like I’m in a exciting place like now; with our company obviously closing its doors I’m forced to find something else to do. And I kind of enjoy this kick in the ass; I’ve always loved surprise events that change your life (ok, not ALL of them). Needless to say, there’s one surprise in particular I would enjoy the most… I have no idea yet what will wait for me after the christmas holidays, we have been warned that we might get all laid off on 8th January but it’s not official yet. I haven’t applied for any new jobs yet but I managed to polish my cv and get my webpage up at last.

I started the web graphics project I was offered, it will continue in January. Had to drive 130 km though to the place and back on my own (this is a big deal for me) and since our car radio is broken I had nothing else for my entertainment than my own singing, and I can’t even stay in tune so that kind of sucked.

We had the company “christmas party” (funeral) with some of my workmates, it was basically me and 4 guys getting obnoxiously drunk and talking shit. A lot of fun 🙂 !

Christmas is in few days and we have no snow 😦 I really do miss the winters of my childhood, nowadays it’s the same gray, rainy weather from October to March.

It’s 6DPO, nothing to see here. Same symptoms as always (back pain, cramps, ovarian twinges) so no expectations either. Btw I asked RE if progesterone can help with endo and she said no, so maybe my lack of pain last cycle was just good luck…

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Symptom watch 5DPIUI

November 12, 2008
  • Back pain 😦
  • Dizzy/lightheaded feeling some times (I blame the progesterone)
  • Gassy
  • Post-O slightly sore nipples
  • BBT 36.7C

And that’s about it. So nothing promising so far.

We are going to buy a new car today :D! It’s a Hyundai and half smaller than our Fiat. Now I can also may be able to park it!