Never-ending rollercoaster ride

May 22, 2009

I had terrible, terrible continous cramps from Wednesday afternoon all the way to the following night. Felt really like AF showing up any minute and had to even leave my Russian class in advance because I was so devastated about how I was feeling and couldn’t concentrate on anything. Symptoms have disappeared completely and I don’t feel preggo at all + I had some light brownish discharge and I know these put together isn’t very promising.

I just couldn’t bear the anxiety anymore and phoned the clinic this morning (yesterday was a public holiday) and requested an u/s. My own RE was super busy so they arranged me to see another doctor. My heart rate was maybe a million when she inserted the dildocam.

There was the gestational sac. The tiny fetus.
And the tiniest flickering heartbeat.

I can’t describe the relief I felt. I was so SURE that it was all over since the pain had been so intense and the symptoms had vanished.

Now I’m going to ban any googling/ttc boards from myself during the rest of my pregnancy. I’m not gonna think about the odds, I’m not going to compare how my fetus measures to others, I’m not gonna stress about my low beta levels or the lack of symptoms.

The fact is I AM pregnant right now whether I feel it or not. And for fuck’s sake I think I’ve earned the right to be happy about it even for a second and put the stressing aside. I am 6 weeks (+ maybe some days) pregnant today and I’m gonna enjoy now every second of this.



  1. You ARE pregnant today.Just remember that. Everyday you are pregnant is a blessing. You’ll get through this.

  2. Oh yay! A heartbeat is fantastic! And yes, you deserve to enjoy this pregnancy. Revel in it, be happy, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!

  3. This is wonderful, encouraging news! Good for you for enjoying it.

  4. That is so awesome. 🙂



  5. Wow, it really has been a rollercoaster! But it looks like everything is going very well now–I am so glad for you. You deserve this happiness, so enjoy the heck out of it!

  6. Hooray!!!

  7. What a joy and huge relief to see a flickering heartbeat! Congratulations. I hope you can relax a bit now. Enjoy a healthy 40 weeks of pregnancy.

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