Archive for April, 2009

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April 26, 2009

Remember how I told you about the friend couple who were on ttc for baby #2? Well, she’s now pregnant of course.

Fuck this, I’m so tired of the unfairness of this shit.

Obviously, I have no hope left since my symptoms are all the same as last time. Me getting pregnant? What a joke.

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There he/she is!

April 22, 2009

2 thawed, one made it to the transfer and 2 remain in the fridge! YAY!

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2 more hours

April 22, 2009

..until FET. I’m surprised how calm I’ve been feeling about this. I know there’s a big chance that none of the embryos will survive the thawing, and yet I’m hoping even to get two of them transfered today. Keep your fingers crossed we get someone on board!

A friend of mine is afraid she’s pregnant after dating the guy for only a couple of months and now having all the possible pregnancy symptoms. It’s funny how there are two sides to this coin, others of us trying to push the mountains to get preggo, others having sleepless nights dreading thought of a positive tests. Hell, I was even scared shitless when doing a test back in 2004 and was so happy for the negative result. Ha! Like there’s a chance I would get pregnant the normal way! Of course, with the sense of humor the universe has to offer; my friend will be preggo and I won’t. I also discovered that another friend couple (who already have a 2 year old) are on ttc again. Soon I’ll have to bite my teeth and pretend a smile for them too when they’ll announce their happy news. Yes I am bitter and jealous because there are people who can actually breed without the invasion of dildocam, petri dish and cathetre.

Last weekend at Tammisaari was great. It’s a very picturesque and romantic town, I’d love to live in a place like that! I think we are going to start a tradition of going to that cottage every year, since this was already our second visit. We did a little geocaching, had sparkling wineย  and dined in an Italian restaurant. Too bad that they only had the menu in Swedish (they have a Swedish speaking majority in most of the coast towns) and me and DH both suck in that language. But we managed to get something to eat ๐Ÿ™‚

the cottage

the cottage

me in the park

me in the park

the town

the town

a small alley

a small alley

DH found the cache under the pier

DH found the cache under the pier

Breakfast, including my lovely Prednisone dosage

Breakfast, including my lovely Prednisone dosage

View from the window

View from the window

As you can see from what we are wearing (me in my eskimo-jacket), it is still very cold here. Like +3C. And it’s almost May! I want to have proper, warm spring and an even warmer summer! I want to wear all my nice spring shoes, dresses and jackets! Especially the red beauties I posted before.

On the work frontier it’s very quiet, too quiet actually. I hope projects will emerge soon. Luckily I have a booking for 3 days next month, but that doesn’t cover everything I need money for.

I started the orienteering season on Monday! It was great, although I didn’t run almost at all because I was feeling a bit fluish and didn’t want to risk anything. But I found all spots and even managed to get to the starting point on my own by car (a major thing for me). On the way home I had to go to the supermarket for grocery shopping, and thereย  I was in my track suit, like any horrible suburbian creature I swore I’d never become ๐Ÿ˜€

Yaikes, soon I’ll have to go, I’ll post more later!

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Waiting for Wednesday

April 17, 2009

I had yet another u/s today, my leading follie measured 18mm so it was good progress from Tuesday. RE made the nurse give me the trigger shot already and the date for transfer was set for next Wednesday afternoon! I’m so glad that the nurse gave me the shot because I remember the nervousness last time I had to do it myself. I hope at least one of our four warriors will make it past the thawing!

Since I had to go to the city for the RE appointment, I wanted to fit something fun to my schedule too. First I visited an art accessories shop and bought two different kinds of pastel crayons and coloured papers to serve as the canvas for my spring inspiration ๐Ÿ™‚ And something funny happened at the shop; the person behind the counter happened to be a girl that grew up next door. What a small world. Then I had lunch with ex-colleague at an Indian restaurant before heading home via grocery store.

Now I’m going to make tiramisu for the evening. Happy weekend everyone!

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Everyone with endo…

April 16, 2009

Please take part in this research.

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Feeling springy

April 15, 2009

I’ve been on a good mood lately. I guess it’s the massive amount of light that somehow surprises me every year after the months of darkness and cold. But I’m feeling optimistic, light-hearted and positive. I hope I’ll stay this way.

One of the reasons I’m feeling good is the fact that I’ve made two new friends during this spring. J I already knew since she dated our school mate in Pori for many years but actually it was their break-up that brought us close together and now we’re hanging out often since she lives near us and I love her company. And it doesn’t matter she’s 5 years younger than me since she’s definetely not an annoying teen. Other friend, M, I met at the graphics class. She’s the first friend I’ve made in Helsinki (apart from work mates) and we’ve been living here for almost 4 years. I spotted her instantly when she started the class because her style was just like mine; tight jeans, hoodie and sneakers ๐Ÿ˜€ I knew she’d be a lot of fun and I was correct. During the class we started talking and I invited her to go to music quiz with us and now she’s a regular in our team. And the best part is that J and M also have gotten to know each other and we can hang out together all 3 of us. This is great.

Easter included a lot of partying and then some more. First I went out with ex-colleagues (me and 5 guys), then J held a wine and cheese-tasting evening (I was GOING to go home from her place but somehow ended up in Helsinki center rock bar!) and on Saturday we visited my parents who, of course, served us more red wine. But I had a lot of fun ๐Ÿ™‚ My goodson had his first birthday and we bought him duplo legos, which he seemed to like a lot. He visited us yesterday too and it so much fun to watch him around our cats; the small ones like to play with him a lot and don’t care if he handles them a little roughly.

Before easter I had an u/s and I had 3 follies growing, measuring around 10mm. We were a little anxious whether they’d grow too fast, since our clinic is closed on weekends and the FET date is supposed to be 4 days after “ovulation”. Yesterday I had another u/s and luckily my follies have been a little slow, the biggest one measuring now 13-14mm so I continue shooting gonal-f today and on Friday I’ll have yet another u/s where we hopefully can set the date for our embie(s) to be transferred. Please, let them survive the thawing! I’m still taking 10mg of Prednisone every morning, but luckily no side effects have risen any more. I hope so muchย  it will do the trick.

This cycle I’ve tried to avoid dr. Google and the ttc- and if-boards and obsessing too much, I hope I can continue this way after the transfer too… We talked about our treatments with my parents (they are paying for this cycle) and I talked about adoption too. My heart almost bursted when my father said he’d be really happy if we decided to adopt since he sees adoption even as more caring as being a normal parent and that he would love an adopted grandchild as much as a biological one. I really had to fight my tears at that point. Mother told me that her twin sister and her husband tried IVF without succeeding, I guess it was in the late 1980s/early 1990s. I actually had thought that at that time IVF was really rare and expensive here.

I still have a very high travel fever. Me and DH are dreaming of going to the US one day and seeing all the places we’ve only seen in movies/tv (since we are movie freaks…) I also would love so much to go to Eastern Europe, or to Iceland, or Russia. Or actually I would LOVE to travel anywhere at this point. Thanks to the tax refund fairy, we could go somewhere in the winter since she is kind enough of giving me 522 euros back :)!Next weekend we are doing a little trip in Finland, since it’ll be our 5th anniversary together. We have rented a small cottage we visited one year ago in a small town about 1,5 drive from Helsinki. It’s really rustic and romantic with a fireplace and everything ๐Ÿ™‚

I enrolled to the Russian for beginners-class, it’s an intensive course held every monday-wednesday next month. I hope to learn the basics so well that I could imagine traveling to St. Petersburg without assistance.

And because I’m feeling springy, I ordered myself these beauties from Ebay. They arrived yesterday and are absolutely gorgeus!

punaiset

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Formula

April 7, 2009

You need:

  1. One crazy infertile
  2. A 150 iu dosage of Gonal-F
  3. 4 Prednisone pills (did I mention that the side effects include PSYCHOSIS?!)
  4. One glass frame
  5. One graphic print
  6. Gigantic amount of stress and disappointment buried inside

Make the infertile stab herself with the needle in the morning and see that she swallows those pills too. Let them do their magic and wait for the evening. At 11.30PM provide the infertile with one glass frame and one print to be framed.

Result: One broken glass frame, one rageous tantrum that ended in tears.

Seriously, I was ready to throw the fragments all over the house and cut my wrists open. Because I broke the glass frame worth 10 euros. The attack was over soon luckily. Neverthless, Prednisone; I’m suspicious of you and your ways of working.

DH had a dream that we had a daughter, she was about 2 years old and we had all gone boating together. He told me she had blonde hair (like most Finnish kids) and wore a pink cardigan. I’m sure she was the cutest thing ever. I wish we get to meet her in real life too.

DH’s brother and his wife want to give us all the baby stuff they have at their place since their children are already big; 11 and 6 (if I remember correctly). They are going to garbage if we don’t take them. And as much as I support recycling I’m not feeling so good about the idea of dragging any baby stuff to our place because there’s no guarantee of us ever having a baby. Imagine the horror of having a store room full of baby accessories and never being able to use them. It would be too sad. Only thing more sad I’ve seen is a baby’s shirt my great aunt had sewn with lace collar and everything and no baby ever wore it.

Speaking of horror; we ordered two movie posters yesterday:

Nosferatu

Nosferatu

Rosemary's baby

Rosemary's baby

I think the latter is just perfect for the obsessed infertile.