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Melancholy

December 5, 2008

I had a bad day again yesterday and because I’m a melancholic Finn I had to listen to this song the second I got home from the art graphics class. I knew it would send me crying in an instant but that was probably just what I needed at the point, holding my tears the whole fucking day at work. At times I feel I’m carrying the weight of whole world on my shoulders and nothing seems to go as I wish. I’m a mess and I wish I wouldn’t feel this way.

Nick Cave: Sweetheart come

Come over here, babe
It ain’t that bad
I don’t claim to understand
The troubles that you’ve had
But the dogs you say they fed you to
Lay their muzzles in your lap
And the lions that they led you to
Lie down and take a nap
The ones you fear are wind and air
And I love you without measure
It seems we can be happy now
Be it better late than never

Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come to me

The burdens that you carry now
Are not of your creation
So let’s not weep for their evil deeds
But for their lack of imagination
Today’s the time for courage, babe
Tomorrow can be for forgiving
And if he touches you again
with his stupid hands
His life won’t be worth living

Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come to me

Walk with me now under the stars
For it’s a clear and easy pleasure
And be happy in my company
For I love you without measure
Walk with me now under the stars
It’s a safe and easy pleasure
It seems we can be happy now
It’s late but it ain’t never
It’s late but it ain’t never
It’s late but it ain’t never

I fell in love with Mr. Cave at the age of 14 when I heard his duet “Henry Lee” with PJ Harvey (also my favourite). Ever since he’s been the artist number one for me. Nothing like dwelling in that melancholy and sorrow. I saw him first time play live in Amsterdam in 2005 and again in Helsinki in 2007.

I’m really sick of my job at the moment, or the lack of work so to speak. And I feel trapped because this is the lousiest possible time to apply for a new job since all companies are sacking people in masses at the point and we have the IVF coming up in January.Β  If the IVF will fail I will resign immediately, this is a promise to myself. I know I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in front of a computer, I want to do something productive with my hands. If only I’d found a way to earn money too that way.

We are celebrating the independence day in Finland tomorrow. A friend couple is coming for dinner and later we’ll probably join our neighbour’s party, he already had a life-size figure of our president πŸ™‚ And I’m going to get wasted this weekend. I even considered doing it on Wednesday evening (and skipping work the next day) when we were attending the music quiz at a pub (really fun btw!) but then the good girl in me decided not to drink more and we went home early.

About ttc, some really really mild ovarian twinges but I’ve got the feeling O is going to show up really late this cycle, if at all, due to all this stress I’ve had last few weeks. I really don’t think the IUI is going to work this time either but what the hell, let’s just throw another 260 euros in the toilet.

In the midst of my melancholy and after so much bad luck going around my blogging friends, I’m really really happy that miracles still happen! Gongrats IrishNYC!

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4 comments

  1. (((((((((big fat hugs))))))))))) for the Melancholy Finn. πŸ™‚

    And I am going to celebrate your independance as well!!!!! Due to all the Finns here we have a meeting, followed by food, which included Pulla….YUM. So yeah, thought you might find that funny. πŸ™‚

    I’m sorry about everything else. This all sucks so badly, and it’s not fair (as I go on and on about that fact…we should all take up crack and/or whoring, and BAM, we’d have babies…LMAO.).

    IVF 1 WILL work for you, it just has to.

    Hope there’s a bit of sun for you today, if there is, stick your face up into it as long as you can.

    xoxoxoxo


    • Your meeting and PULLA sounds good πŸ™‚ ! We have an annual independence party at president’s “castle” that is broadcasted live, and it’s a tradition to watch it and bad-mouth all the celebrities’ lack of taste in their dresses!

      No hopes to see the sun for the following months, it’s just rain and darkness.. ugh..

      But I’m feeling much more positive now, since I get off from work in an hour!! Have a great weekend πŸ˜€ !


  2. You too! I’ll take pics of some Finns for you when I am at my thing on Sunday. πŸ™‚

    And no sun…damn girl, you need a light. Have you seen those alarm clocks that wake you up with gradual light? Maybe Canada Santa needs to send you one!!!!!!!!!

    Hang in there…only a few more weeks until the days start to get longer again, then we can think of feeling like us again.

    (((hugs)))


  3. Thank you! I still don’t believe it’s real, and I actually feel guilty about all of my friends that are still struggling. I keep remembering all the anger I felt at others’ BFPs.

    I hate to hear you so down, and I really really hope your turn comes sooner than later. Waiting for your turn just sucks so bad.



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