Uncertain times

October 8, 2008

I’m on CD12 and no positive OPK so far. This morning’s line was though a bit more darker than yesterday’s and I think I’ll test again this evening. Last cycle I got the first positive on the evening of CD12 but somehow this cycle feels different. I’ve had some twinges on both sides, mainly on the left side, but much less than a month ago. I hope this doesn’t mean that the big O is coming late because the weekend is approaching again and I CAN’T ovulate on Sunday. It sucks so much that the clinics are closed on weekends because now I have to worry every cycle whether  I’ll O on a correct day or not. So keep your fingers crossed for a positive OPK tomorrow morning, so we could do the IUI#2 on Friday!

I’m going to see my sister next weekend. She doesn’t know yet that we are doing IUI, and I’d like to share this with her. It just isn’t something you blurt on the phone, at least for a phone-handicapped person like me. I seriously don’t like to call people, me and DH are both sms-people and if I could I’d do all the appointment reservation etc. on the net.

On the news it seems that the only important thing at the moment is the global financial crisis. I remember the recession of the early 90’s much too well; a lot of people got sacked and all costs were cut to the minimum at schools, hospitals, everywhere. My parents run a small company and we really didn’t have any money those years. I seriously hope that this won’t lead to similar times.

Me and DH planned to buy our own apartment/house last year. After checking several options we had spotted one beautiful house (much like the one where I grew up) in a small town an hour by train from Helsinki, near where my parents live. We were ready to place an offer when the sellers had to withdraw the house from the sales because they didn’t get the house they were planning to move into.  We were really disappointed about this and lost our interest in looking for any house. Now I think we were not meant to have the house, we were not meant to move there, we were not meant to be homeowners at this point.

We couldn’t actually afford buying a house at the moment.  We couldn’t even afford buying an appartment. If we bought one our economy would be extremely thight.  The prices for houses/apartments in Helsinki are ridiculous; with the price of an 2 room apartment in a ghettoish part of town you’d get a big house with a large yard in northern Finland. We won’t ever afford to buy a house in Helsinki; they cost 300 000€ minimum. And with the current interest rates I’m happy we are still living in the same rental apartment as 3 years ago. It’s a nice apartment, 2 rooms, 55 square meters, balcony and view to the forest, only 10 minutes to the center with the subway. A bit small, yes, but cosy and looks like us definetely plus we have the best neighbor ever 🙂

After pondering togehter whether to invest in a house/apartment we came to the conclusion that we won’t. At least for now. Buying a house seemed the like the next step in the ordinary continuum we were trying so eagerly to follow. And then we realized that it isn’t really our dream and we can break the pattern if we want to. We are not the most ordinary couple in any sense so why would we try to act like one if it really isn’t our thing? We want to have some money for living and enjoying life too, not just paying for a damn house. We do want to get out of Helsinki at some point for sure, at least if we ever get a baby, but that doesn’t necessarely mean buying a house. I’m a small town girl and I want my children to have a small town childhood too if possible.

The other step in the continuum is of course having children. And that is one “traditional” step we want to follow despite our many other untraditional ways. I refuse to think that not being able to have a baby normally would mean that we were not meant to have one ever. Maybe we weren’t meant to have the baby already when we started ttc, maybe we needed to sort some things in our relationship first, maybe we needed to grow up a little, maybe it all has been just bad luck. And maybe all the waiting and disappointments will be rewarded. And still it’s a maybe. Maybe this cycle!



  1. On no! I can’t believe your clinic doesn’t do IUIs on weekends. When I first started going to mine, every month I worried “What if I O on a Sunday?” only to O on Sunday last cycle. I was shocked when they told me on Saturday after my sono to come in the next day for IUI. “You’re open?!” They said of course, the only day they don’t do procedures is Christmas Day. They only have limited appointments on weekends, but when you O you O and things have to be done.

  2. That’s the Finnish way.. I think we don’t have any clinics at in Helsinki that would be open on weekends!

  3. Outstanding website – i will come back soon,,

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