August 10, 2008

About 15% of Finnish couples are having problems to conceive. That makes about 3000 new couples seeking for medical assistance every year (our population is about 5,3 million). About 80% of the couples treated with infertility will get a baby eventually. With about 30% of the infertile couples, there’s a medical problem only with the woman. About 20-30% of these women suffer from endometriosis. Generally, about 10% of all women suffer from endometriosis and 40% of these women are infertile. 20% of women operated in laparoscopy get pregnant spontaneously after a few months. Guess which group I belong to? Definetely not the spontaneous one.

We had a long talk about all this infertility-shit with my DH this weekend. We are only just starting all testing and treatments but already I’ m thinking about the possibility that what if we won’t succeed. I couldn’t stand trying different treatments for many years. I couldn’t stand the disappointment every month. Already these disappointments so far have changed me a lot. I didn’t use to be this way. I didn’t use to cry this much. I didn’t use to dwell in misery.

So we made a plan. If it seems after tryingย  with the doctors for some time that it’s too difficult for me to get pregnant we will stop trying. I will get on the pill again. And we will do something completely different. Move abroad, travel the world, make our other dreams come true. Having children is one of our dreams, but we have many others too. We don’t want having a baby become the sole purpose of our life, because it wasn’t it before we started to ttc. We don’t want the infertility to ruin everything else in our lives by obsessing with it forever. Of course it will break my heart if I won’t ever become a mother but I just can’t stand the idea of continuing trying and hoping and facing disappointment every month for the following 10 years or so and becoming a bitter, sad person. I don’t want to lose myself in all this. If it seems that it’s not going to happen we have to move on.

Again I have to face the fact that you can’t write a script to your life. You can’t decide everything that’s going to happen in the future. You can make plans but there is always the possibility that life doesn’t follow them. And then you just have to make the best you can out the hand you’ve been dealt with. Maybe I will get the mother-card in my hand, maybe I won’t.

I hope this doesn’t sound like we would have given up with this already. Because we haven’t. We are hoping that we will get help and we will get a baby. But I’m just so relieved that we have a plan b together if we have to face the what if-scenario.



  1. You know, I totally agree with you here. And I thank you for your honesty.

    We have had the same discussions recently. While for the past few years I will admit to being obsessed with having a baby….before that I was someone else. A fearless, strong, independent woman. And she has left the building atm. I hope I can find her again. Going to the punk and metal shows is really helping me with that. heh.

    You wanna come to Canada for a few months? I’ll trade you homes for a while…LOL. That will make traveling cheaper and easier. I am actually not kidding. Al and I are planning a Finland visit in the next few years…which I cannot wait for!!!

    Anyway, it’s true. There really is more to life than this shit we have been going through. And if we don’t have babies, well that is how it goes. Might as well enjoy the ride that is life, you only get one round as far as I know. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  2. Actually coming to Canada has been one of my dreams for years now. Seeing Vancouver especially.

    I would happily switch homes if we would own one ๐Ÿ™‚ We live in a rental but you are very welcome to come here as our guests! We can take you to see some kick-ass Finnish bands too :D!

    And I hope we both get our great old selves back. And maybe get some babies too ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. Awesome. I know Mr. Dagny is totally impressed with the metal scene over in your part of the woods, and is DYING to see Finland. I have turned him into a pseudo Finn, he can take a 95C sauna without problem, has gone swimming through the ice, and rolled in the snow. And has eaten my Finnish food I make…heh. So I figured the final test for him was to see the country. LOL.

    And yes, here’s to our old selves. I know going to some punk shows has really reminded me of who I was before…and that is a good thing. I was WAY more fun back then…;)


  4. It has helped me to have a plan to cope with the process. I think it’s completely healthy and normal and probaby essential to our mental health to set boundaries that we can live with along the way.

  5. Wow Dagny, 95C sauna is HOT even for a Finn! And I haven’t ever gone swimming through the ice.. Ha-ha, not such a proper Finn myself :D! Metal is like our national anthem music these days, even our Idols winner is a metal singer and we have loads of metal bands.

    Cathleen, you are right, we need to have some kind of a plan to keep us sane in the middle of all this.

  6. Well then I am very proud of myself then!!! hehee. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I miss my sauna so much now though….damn stupid mother. UGH. Oh well, will get me off my ass to build ours…..yay!!

    And that is cool about the Metal over there. North America is just full of shit music for the most part, with the exceptions of punk and metal of course…heh.


  7. Btw Dagny which Finnish foods do you like the best?

    I wish we had our own sauna too…Maybe then when we’ll have our own house (first we just have to win in the lottery, hah). But luckily next weekend we’re going to visit my parents and they have one!

    And unfortunately we have loads of shitty bands aswell. Really horrible stuff. Music that has no excuse for excisting.

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