Archive for August 10th, 2008



August 10, 2008

About 15% of Finnish couples are having problems to conceive. That makes about 3000 new couples seeking for medical assistance every year (our population is about 5,3 million). About 80% of the couples treated with infertility will get a baby eventually. With about 30% of the infertile couples, there’s a medical problem only with the woman. About 20-30% of these women suffer from endometriosis. Generally, about 10% of all women suffer from endometriosis and 40% of these women are infertile. 20% of women operated in laparoscopy get pregnant spontaneously after a few months. Guess which group I belong to? Definetely not the spontaneous one.

We had a long talk about all this infertility-shit with my DH this weekend. We are only just starting all testing and treatments but already I’ m thinking about the possibility that what if we won’t succeed. I couldn’t stand trying different treatments for many years. I couldn’t stand the disappointment every month. Already these disappointments so far have changed me a lot. I didn’t use to be this way. I didn’t use to cry this much. I didn’t use to dwell in misery.

So we made a plan. If it seems after trying  with the doctors for some time that it’s too difficult for me to get pregnant we will stop trying. I will get on the pill again. And we will do something completely different. Move abroad, travel the world, make our other dreams come true. Having children is one of our dreams, but we have many others too. We don’t want having a baby become the sole purpose of our life, because it wasn’t it before we started to ttc. We don’t want the infertility to ruin everything else in our lives by obsessing with it forever. Of course it will break my heart if I won’t ever become a mother but I just can’t stand the idea of continuing trying and hoping and facing disappointment every month for the following 10 years or so and becoming a bitter, sad person. I don’t want to lose myself in all this. If it seems that it’s not going to happen we have to move on.

Again I have to face the fact that you can’t write a script to your life. You can’t decide everything that’s going to happen in the future. You can make plans but there is always the possibility that life doesn’t follow them. And then you just have to make the best you can out the hand you’ve been dealt with. Maybe I will get the mother-card in my hand, maybe I won’t.

I hope this doesn’t sound like we would have given up with this already. Because we haven’t. We are hoping that we will get help and we will get a baby. But I’m just so relieved that we have a plan b together if we have to face the what if-scenario.


I rule!

August 10, 2008

I learned to play the stoner beat with the drums finally! I RULE!!! Now I only have to learn to play it 10 times faster 😀

Wolmother breaks up. Sad news. I love their music, hopefully they will get new members and continue.