False hope

August 8, 2008

It’s CD 28, temp dropped to 36.7C this morning. All the small hopes I had inside dropped as well. Why do I torture myself each month thinking that these cramps and pains might somehow be different? That this time It would have worked despite the pains which are IDENTICAL to the ones I’ve had each cycle for 13 months? Why do I keep fooling myself? I feel exactly the same as every month before the menses.

My chart looks exactly like two months before; dip from over 37C to 36.7C just before CD1. So come on AF, I know you are coming so you might as well show your ugly face! Only thing that I don’t understand is the long LP. According to my ff I’m on 15DPO and my usual LP is 10-12 days. Maybe I didn’t O on CD13. Maybe it was much later. And it doesn’t really mean shit at this point which day I O’d!

Next week I’m having a reflexologist appointment on Monday and a homeopathic doctor appointment on Tuesday. I hope that those nice hippies could help me.

Yesterday I had a girl-evening just by myself as hubby was working in another town. I listened to Fiona Apple’s Extraordinary Machine (made me feel much better), cooked meatballs (btw they are Finnish not Swedish!) and salad, slouched on the couch with a women’s magazine watching halfly Canada’s next top model (I think Finland might be the only country in the world where they run foreign reality show’s on tv) and  then put BH90210 on the dvd player (it was the episode where Brandon gets work at the Peach Pit). And totally enjoyed myself 🙂

It’s like October here. Pouring rain and 12C. If the weather doesn’t change before my holiday in the end of August I’m gonna start consider moving to Ibiza.



  1. (((((((((hug))))))))))

    Sorry for helping get your hopes up. Stupid pretty charts. I had those too, all the damn time. Really mean. 😦

    That sucks your weather is so bad these days. Has it really changed much over the last few years there? I know here has gotten a bit wonky as well…..

    Anyway, sorry again. STupid hope. Stupid IF. It’s all not fair.


  2. Oh, and one of the idiots from that show was from around where I live. She is the whiny one. LOL

  3. Yes stupid charts! I’m thinking about quitting charting, I don’t know is it helping me or making me feel worse. And stupid hope! I can’t understand how I fall for this self-deceit every month… Gotta stop it.

    The weather here has definetely changed during last few years. Much more extreme weather conditions like excess rain or too high/low temperatures. Last winter we didn’t have almost any snow in Helsinki area. That’s sad.

    But something positive,cramps are so mild that I don’t need painkillers. That’s really rare. Maybe my diet is working for endo pain :)!

    And thanks for your support. It really means a lot!

  4. Glad to hear the diet is working! Horray for less cramps. I am having some good ones myself this round…damn ivf. LOL.

    And yeah, our weather is the same. Extremes. No snow one year, the next year metres. And crazy temps. And they say it’s a myth. *snort*

    And let’s not forget the constant tornado’s in the states, it’s insane down there…yet for some reason they don’t seem to notice….*sigh*


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