Archive for July, 2008

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Tallinn!

July 30, 2008

I just booked a weekend trip to Tallinn, Estonia on 6th September! We’ll be staying here. There’s a great Russian restaurant where we ate last time, we are trying to get a table there again. And last time there (spring 2007) we got engaged at the same trip. I love the medieval, romantic atmosphere of the city’s old town. You could say I like Tallinn quite much.

After Estonia joined the EU it’s not such a cheap place anymore though. In the late 90’s you could go there and buy stuff without spending almost anything. I even bought a black hair extension when I visited Tallinn in 1999. Yes, those were the glorious gothic days of my youth… I still have it buried somewhere with the fake fangs and black velvet dresses and my black teenage angst.

Nowadays you can get there from Helsinki in 2,5 hours by an express boat so it really isn’t far away. Compared to the 3,5 hours drive to Pori which is in the same country… I’ve always envied the people living in Central Europe because they might drive in 30 minutes to work in another country where they live if they like. When I was studying in Maastricht in 2004  for 5 months we had 8 kilometers to Belgium and some 20 kilometers to Germany. I had a friend who was also an exchange student there only that she normally lived 40 kilometers away in Belgium and returned home every weekend. Finland feels so isolated from the rest of the Europe and central europians see this place like some mystic, soviet-like rural place where polar bears wander on the desolate glaciers with wind howling and temperature -60C. One Dutch class mate even asked me if we have Mars-bars here and other if we have penguins. Seriously.

Since the dream of a baby hasn’t come true so far, I’ve figured out that I can do all the other stuff I love doing and couldn’t do so easily with a child. Like travel as much as I can afford, take on new hobbies and projects. I don’t want the infertility to define who I am. I’m much more than a woman without a baby. Wouldn’t hurt to get one though.

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6dpo?

July 30, 2008

It was 36.8 this morning, it’s CD19. So I guess I’m 6dpo or something. Well the cramps seem to be getting stronger so in less than an a week it’ll be CD1 again. What a pathetic short cycle!

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Wtf, did I ovulate without noticing it?

July 29, 2008

It’s CD 18. My bbt was 36.8C this morning. Yesterday it was 36.5C and the day before 36.9C. Days before the temperature varied from 36.3C to 36.7C. I got the “almost” positive OPK on the cd 13. Now my fertilityfriend suggests that I would have ovulated on CD13. But where were the ovulation pains, sore nipples and headaches then? If it’s over 36.7C tomorrow I’ll believe it’s true but I’m sceptic, I never ovulate this early. What is going on?! Is this an anovulatory cycle maybe? How can it be this difficult to interpret your own body?

The tooth isn’t aching anymore and I managed to go orienteering yesterday. I’m maybe the worst map-reader ever but I love running in the forest. I missed three spots this time so I totally sucked but neverthless I felt really good afterwards. I need to exercise much more, preferably outdoors. It will keep me sane in the middle of all this infertility shit

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Toothache from hell

July 28, 2008

It’s back, the toothache from hell. Thanks to my enormous sweet tooth, I had some 6 holes in my teeth last spring, one of which required a root canal treatment as the hole extended to the nerve. Now the same tooth is aching like hell. I was lucky to get an appointment already for today. Wonder what they will do with it, maybe pull the whole rotten tooth out? Ouch.

The dentist told me I have the kind of teeth that catch caries easily. So combined with my notorius taste for sugar it’s a complete disaster. One more reason not to eat candy so much.

Friday in Pori and catching up with friends was nice. I didn’t remember though that people there drink a lot. I mean at the Irish bar where we were hanging the people were ridicuously drunk; falling off from their seats and leaving their own beers at the counter for the barman to watch over. I had 4 ciders and wasn’t obviously drunk enough for that place.

On Saturday evening we went to play some drums, then chilled at home with a bottle of semi-sparkling wine (frizzante), cooked delicious dinner with chicken skewers, salad and wokked vegetables, strawberries with whipped cream for dessert and watched Indiana Jones and the last crusade on dvd.

CD 17 and no signs of ovulation still. I guess this will be a long cycle again. Some minor cramps today but I had at least 5 days without any cramps or back pain! Hooray for that!

–edit–

The tooth was almost completely dead. It was the one with a massive hole that they already fixed this spring but didn’t make the root canal treatment then (next to the one to which they made the treatment) .  Now I need to have it done for that tooth too. And they only have free appointment times in September or October. Niiiiice! The pain is constant, throbbing, BAD. And I was supposed to go orienteering after work 😦 I’ll go buy some false teeth.

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Hope

July 25, 2008

I’m a total sucker for New Age (especially tarot…) and I visit Worldoffroud-oracle almost daily, although I know it’s not “real” tarot. The deck is however one of my favorites and I have it at home too. Today’s card made me feel quite good 🙂

Starter Reading: Iris tells us that light is breaking through our present darkness, and that hope is a powerful factor in speeding up this process. She does not promise us that the storm is over, nor does she say that it will never storm again, but she does say that there is brightness and beauty here. She also tells us that there is something to be gained by this passage through the storm. And the sooner we learn what it is, the sooner the storm will end. Always, a passage through the storm is a time of potential growth, a time to allow the deadwood of our past to be blown away to make room for the green shoots of new growth. At this point, it is useful to ask ourselves what we still need to release and to look after protecting and nurturing the seeds we have planted. Iris suggests that the cultivation of patience may also be helpful at this time. The storm is breaking up. Are we ready for the change? If we are presently frogs, the faeries say, the time of our transformation, foretold by the rainbow, may be at hand. Then we shall be kissed by the puissant light of the sun–and discover if we are still frogs or if we have become something much more.”

Today we’re driving 3,5 hours to Pori after work, my husband’s other band has a gig there. Going there is quite nostalgic these days; it is the town where we studied for our Bachelor’s degrees, made a lot of friends and had the time of our lives.  Me and my husband met in 2001 when we started our studies there at the same class for Media and communications but it was only until 2004 that we started dating.  I met also three of my closest friends there, made two photo exhibitions and several short movies and other great projects with them. My husband is now a cameraman shooting and editing mostly news for two major Finnish channels as a freelancer, I’m a Graphic Designer/Pre-press operator in a cd/dvd production company. But I dream about that flower shop anyway 🙂

It’s cd 14 today, hoping for ovulation in a few days but we’ll see, no signs yet. I’ve learned now that I get the sore nipples already a few days before ovulation, not afterwards like I first thought. I guess it has to do with the rise of Estradiol. Yesterday I got a quite dark line on the OPK but not as dark as the control line. I do get visible lines throughout the cycle, interpreting them is somewhat interesting…

About the diet: Only a little chocolate at the movies (because I was really hungry and had to eat something.. Ok lame excuse!) but no other candies/ice-cream/cakes so far! Two ciders and a glass of sparkling wine on Wednesday and one cider yesterday at a heavy metal gig. Though I know that tonight there will be some drinking as we see our friends after a long time… No rice, potatoes or pasta, only salads, fruits and fish/chicken. No white bread, only the dark Finnish rye bread, which is actually quite good when you learn to like it. Only one cup of coffee every morning, none in the afternoon. Maybe I can do this 🙂

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Something lighter for a change

July 23, 2008

I’ve been whining so much that I have to post something more positive for a change. Last weekend my little sister got married and here are some pictures from the wedding. I must say she was the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen and how could she not have been, as she’s my sister 😉

The happy couple

The happy couple

Before the wedding I was ready to lock my parents away for all the fussing and panicing and nervousness they were spreading. Seriously, how can organizing a small (=60 guests) wedding turn normal people into such state? I said to them I was glad we got married by just the two of us and only had a small party for the family later on, because I wouldn’t have wanted to experience that fussing twice.

On the eve of the wedding my sister was still sewing her dress at 11PM and I dipped some 300 strawberries into chocolate. But I guess it was worth all the effort, because the party was awesome, relaxed, fun, beautiful. The weather was great despite the forecasts and food was excellent. Everything went smoothly and everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves. We even danced to Doors’ “Light my Fire” with my parents! The Groom’s 80-years old grandmother was among the last ones to leave at 2.30 AM after enjoying several glasses of whiskey 🙂

Me and my husband took all the photos; I concentrated on the official portraits (like the one above) and he took the most “action” photos. When I graduated from high school I wanted nothing so much than to become a photographer, as photographing was my biggest passion at the time. I didn’t get into the art schools and then later my vision of a dream job has changed many times; at the moment I dream of opening a flower shop. Nowadays I’m the photographer only at all family parties and on holidays, and I’ve also pulled my husband into this task. I think we did a pretty good job this time 🙂

In the morning of the wedding

In the morning of the wedding

At the hairdresser

At the hairdresser

Lacing up my sister's dress

Lacing up my sister's dress

Me in my red dress

Me in my red dress

My sister tieing her shoes

My sister tieing her shoes

Waiting in the church with our father

Waiting in the church with our father

Bouquet and ring

Bouquet and ring

My father's speech

My father's speech

Our family; women and their husbands

Our family; women and their husbands

Buffet table..yumm..

Buffet table..yumm..

The bar outside

The bar outside

Throwing the garter

Throwing the garter

Me and my sis jamming

Me and my sis jamming

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Endo-diet

July 23, 2008

Yesterday while surfing the net I came across the endo-diet.

“In general, there are a number of foods that women with endometriosis are advised to avoid.

  • Caffeine (i.e. coffee, tea)
  • Alcohol
  • Chocolate
  • Saturated fats
  • Butter and margarine
  • Drinks and foods with a high sugar content
  • Refined carbohydrates (i.e. pasta, bread, cakes, pastries)
  • Fried food”
  • And that list sums pretty much everything I enjoy. I need my coffee fix every morning and preferably in the afternoon too or else I get headaches and cannot function properly. I love apple cider, red wine and whiskey with coke. Not in excess (well sometimes that too, must admit) but I love them. I’m a notoriusly heavy user of chocolate. I eat candy almost every day. Cakes, pastries, white bread, yummm…
    And now I should cut all the good stuff off.

    Seeing this list made quite miserable. I’ve always been quite skinny (172cm/56kg) so I haven’t really had to pay any attention to what I’m eating. It’s not that I’d consume deep-fried Mars-bars for breakfast every morning, but I enjoy having delicacies quite often. You could say I have a huge sweet tooth. I don’t eat much junk food like burgers or fries, we usually cook wok or salad, fish or chicken during the week and then maybe something heavier in the weekend. Of course I knew before that excess alcohol, sugar and caffeine are bad for you in general, but seeing that they also make endometriosis symptoms worse was quite a bummer. And all my comfort foods are on the list 😦

    Already before seeing the list I had made the decision to cut off excess sugar and candies. But as my friend said, I destroy my mental health if I stress too much about what I’m eating and try to give up all the goodies at once, so now I’m trying just to decrease them in my diet. Only one cup of coffee in the morning, not so much chocolate (sigh) and less drinks and a lot of veggies and fruits.

    Tonight we’re going to see the Dark Knight in a guest screening, my expectations are high because I’ve only heard praising so far. And afterwards we are invited to a party with free drinks. Maybe just ONE cider this time.