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Introduction to Oh Emily

April 19, 2008

Good afternoon,

My name is Emily. Well, actually my name isn’t really Emily in the real world but it is my name here.

I’m 26 years old and married. I live in Helsinki, Finland. Since last summer, right before our wedding, me and my husband started to prepare ourselves to have a baby. If we only knew it wouldn’t be that simple.

In the movies women get pregnant magically at the spot when they have found their soulmate and have mindblowing sex with them. Usually one time is enough. After a few weeks they start to have morning sickness, or faint or go to the doctor for some other reason who announces to their ultimate surprise that they are going to have a baby. First they get a little anxious and scared because it is happening so unexpectedly and soon but then realize it is the best thing that ever happened to them. The couple will have their problems and quarrels while expecting but in the end all is well and sugary and a perfect hollywood-baby will be born to a perfect white decorated nursery.

Other type of cinematic pregnancy is the one where a teenager has sex once and gets pregnant instantly, like in Juno. Or someone forgets to eat one lousy birthcontrol pill and snap it is two lines on the peeing stick just like that. Where do these superfertile people come from? I truly wish I was one of them.

In real life people have timetabled sex according to women’s cycle, ovulation tests, cervical mucus, basal body temperature and all the trackable symptoms you possibly can imagine. Women drink awful-tasting grapefruit juice, eat all the vitamins they can get their hands to, stop smoking, stop drinking, read all the self-help they can find on the internet, try each gimmick there is, try to eat healthy, force their partners to eat healthy, avoid oral sex on the “best days” and stand on their heads 30 minutes after sex to quarantee the sperm best possible access to uterus. Yes, I’m one of these women, even though I first svore not to become one. But that was 9 months ago.

The sex education has it’s fare share too in creating the illusion that you can get pregnant very easily and after only a one time. Yes I know it is true with some people. But there are millions of couples who find out that all those years they were (sometimes hysterically) trying to prevent a pregnancy from occuring, they could have stressed less.

In November my doctor started to suspcet that I could have endometriosis. In January the diagnosis was confirmed (by a crazy looking old professor type and the two interns whom also got to examine my insides like I was some kind of a quinea pig) and I got a place in the line for laparoscopy. My surgery is due 14th May and I’m shit scared even though I don’t want people to know it. I’m scared that they’ll find out that my ovaries are glued together or some other misfortunate deformation.

Since November I’ve read a lot about endometriosis on the net. Too much maybe. I’ve read horror stories about never-ending pain and infertility problems and about the fact that there really is no cure for endometriosis.

I always kind of suspceted that getting pregnant could be difficult for me. Two of my granny’s sisters never got a baby and my mother’s twin sister hasn’t been able to conceive. I just wish that modern medicine has taken some gigantic leaps since their times and I won’t have to share their destiny.

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