Ok, I know it’s a total cliché to get pictures like these taken but since I’m working in a school photo office my workmate took this without any charge. BUT I’m also going to have another photoshoot with the photographer who took our wedding pics (actually my second cousin but I don’t really know her that well), those pics will be nude and probably NOT posted on the internet.

I have the flu again, it’s third time this autumn. I always catch a cold easily but this is often even for me. During the first trimester I wasn’t sick once but now it seems I’m constantly sneezing and having slight fever. I’m medicating myself with a box of chocolates.

31 weeks already. On Friday it’ll be 2 months to my due date!

In my very first post for this blog I wrote about how everyone in the world except me was pregnant. Now that I am finally pregnant, it again feels that so is everyone else too. The amount of baby news popping this autumn is ridiculous. If I wasn’t preggo I would have lost my mind for good. At my workplace my boss and one workmate are pregnant. One of my cousins is pregnant. My godmother’s daughter is preggo. DH’s godson’s mother (the one pregnancy I cried over here) has her due date 2 weeks before us. A wife of DH’s childhood friend is about to give birth any second now. I keep hearing about acquintances and friends of friends who are expecting too. And a little voice in my head is saying still: it must have been so easy for them.

I’ve kind of pushed somewhat unconsciously all memories of last autumn and spring to the back and tried to concentrate on the situation I’m enjoying now despite our rough and very uncertain beginning. But as I sat on the couch watching bbc’s documentary series ( “make me a baby”) about conception and pregnancy and seeing some couples going through ivf and icsi I became very emotional and it all came back to me very strong. How the disappointments crushed my world every month and how all hope seemed to have deserted me at times. I consider myself extremely lucky to be here and sometimes feel we really got pregnant easily comparing to many others. But then again it took, 4iuis, one ivf and one fet to make this baby whereas majority of people only need to have sex once in a while so the word easy isn’t quite applicable to this baby’s conception after all.

This pregnancy however could be described as easy. I didn’t have a lot of nausea in the beginning, I haven’t had much pains, I haven’t been a hormonal raging bitch (so far). After the first 3 months as mrs pizza-face my skin and hair have been in better condition than ever. I’ve even gotten the breasts I’ve always wanted, at least for a while.

I chose to get the vaccination after consulting our RE who strongly suggested it. On the same evening my arm got really sore and was like that for almost two days. I also felt a little sick and tired. My two pregnant workmates had it harder; they both got fever over 38C after taking the shot. The epidemic is starting to rise in Finland at the moment and some people are getting overly hysterical about it. I pondered first about the risks of the shot but now I’ve stopped worrying over it since I got it and that’s it. There are risks both ways.

Today I had again visit with my maternity nurse. Hemoglobine was 130, blood pressure 110/70, baby’s heartbeat 150. My results for gestational diabetes test (which was horrible btw, I was so close to throwing up) came back normal but the 2 hour value was on the border line so they are keeping closer watch on me. Especially since there’s a history of big babies in my family. I’ve gained 11 kilos from the beginning. My belly isn’t huge but according to nurse tall women tend to have smaller looking bellies. The baby is moving and changing position all the time and now we can feel him/her quite well through my belly. I still don’t have a feeling if it’s a boy or a girl but I’ve started to have dreams about the baby being born and me taking care of it. I’m actually quite scared about that part.  What if I’m going to be the suckiest mother on earth and drop the baby on it’s head? I don’t have any experience of taking care of small babies. Do they give you instructions when leaving the hospital?

Like many others I’m pondering about the swine flu jab; whether to take it or not. What are the risks of the vaccine compared to falling ill? Will I get a three-headed baby if I take it? Or will I end up having premature labor if I refuse to take it and catch the virus? Finland has started the vaccinations as the virus has now started to spread more efficiently in the northern part of the country. Apparently the vaccinations start in Helsinki area soon too, preggos and children being the first ones to get the jab.

I’ve googled and asked my friends who work in the medical field as well as my maternity nurse and it still seems a mystery to me. Most medical professional encourage expecting mothers to take it, but in the same time it’s emphasized that it’s the mother who will decide and that the vaccine isn’t 100% safe since it has been tested only for a little while. At the moment I’m more convinced that I will take it, since it’s the only way to protect the baby properly from the virus as the vaccine will protect the baby also 6 months after birth. Still at the same time I’m really scared about the what if-part, especially since it’s me who’s making that decision for my baby.

We got some baby stuff at home finally. My father renovated the baby bed he used to sleep in and me and my sisters too, and now it’s in the corner of our bedroom. Seems so strange to look at it, somehow it makes this feel even more concrete than my growing belly and the kicking baby inside. There’s actually going to be a baby sleeping in the same room with us. We also bought an used Ikea nursing table for 70 euros after noticing that nursing tables generally cost around 300 euros in furniture shops and are all white so not our style in any way.

Nursing table (picture not ours)

I also got the maternity package in the mail on Thursday. In short, it’s a package including baby clothes, diapers and other handy stuff and all mothers in Finland will receive it for free after the pregnancy has lasted over 25 weeks or so. You can also choose to have 140 euros instead but since the package is very extensive I chose to get it. Many clothes in the package were a little retro-styled so exactly what I like Behind the link you can see all of the contents (in English!).

Contents of the Finnish maternity package

We did a trip to a rented cottage about 200km away last weekend. Since we couldn’t travel to Lapland this year due to lack of money, we still wanted to have even a small getaway close to nature. So we chose this spot.

The cottage

There was no running water or indoor bathroom, no neighbours and the sceneries were absolutely beautiful.

Terrace

The scenary from the terrace

Inside it was really cosy and warm with a fireplace.

Sleeping spot

Me cooking

On the terrace there was also a hot tub that was heated with wood. It took DH 5 ours to heat the ice-cold well water to reasonable warmth but it was great to relax in the warm water when the temp outside was around +2C.

Hot tub

This is a sauna in a tent. We tried it out the second night. Exotic, even for us Finns...

On Saturday we did a hiking trip to a national park about 50 km away from the cottage. Since walking uphill is already getting strenuous for me we only did a 5-6 km trip but I’m sure we’ll go back there some day.

Scenery from a cliff

Autumny forest

Me walking over a hanging bridge

Next week I’ll have the test for gestational diabetes, since all preggos over 25 expecting their first child are tested in Helsinki. Not really looking forward to it since I’ve had the same kind of test done as a child and I remember how yucky that sugary drink tasted… I think the results will be fine since I don’t have a family history of diabetes and my urine tests taken every month have been normal. But of course you never know. So far I’ve gained 9 kilos and my belly is 97 cm in diameter. I hardly fit even into my winter jacket anymore.

As much as I’ve enjoyed having a constant workplace (and salary!) I’m already dreaming of the maternity holiday. My work will end around 30th November so I’ll have 1,5 months just for myself at home. I will totally sleep 15 hours every night! Now that winter is coming it’s again the most depressing time of the years since it’s getting darker every day. Going to work with public transport totally sucks, since it takes me over an hour and I have to take 2 different buses + a train. Luckily next week DH won’t be needing the car so I get to drive to work. Something I never thought I’d enjoy, driving in the Helsinki traffic

Now I must head to the supermarket and get myself some lunch. Frozen pizza sounds inviting.

I’ve been working with this piece since last spring and finally it starts to look like something I originally had in mind.

Etching + aquatinta with one plate

Etching + aquatinta with two plates

…is what I’ve been lately. Working three jobs basically; one at the office packing up school photo portraits, other my freelancer graphic design work and third maintaining the jewelry shop. As I’m also attending the Russian course and printmaking class every week as well as the music quiz I don’t have much spare time in my hands. But I like it that way after months of slouching.

I love our new apartment, here’s a visual from our kithcen (it was taken a few weeks ago so belly shot isn’t quite accurate). Have I mentioned already how much I LOVE having a dishwasher?

Our fancy new kitchen

We also visited Tallinn with a friend couple (who are also expecting their first child in November) some weeks ago, stayed for one night and basically spent the whole time eating… Well guys did a bit of drinking too as that’s bascially what Finns go to Estonia for. I bought very cute mittens for the baby, they look like little mouses! I also got some overly cute baby clothes from H&M, one body and one sweater + pants, all have a fox embroided in them. I love foxes, there’s something mysterious about them. A little like cats, a little like dogs but still totally a species of their own kind.

Although we have a three room apartment now we haven’t furnished a nursery. The baby will anyhow sleep in the same bedroom with us until at least the age of one or so. So at the moment I’m enjoying my own office/art project room (basically the room is full with all the junk we haven’t found a place for).

I also got a new hair cut last week. I don’t usually visit a hairdresser, DH dyes my hair and some friends cut it for free. Last time I dyed my hair at a hairdresser was in 1992. Yes, seriously. But I love how it looks now, and DH loves too

Copper with highlights

We had a girls night at our place last Friday as DH was celebrating his friends’ birthday at another town. Me and 3 friends cooked mushroom-stuffed paprikas and salad and for dessert we had this:

The craziest dessert I've ever had

It’s a cake. And it was huge. And pink. DH was shooting some cake-bloggers for a news story and one of the bloggers happened to have made this cake and offered it to DH to bring home. Quite a coincidence me being preggo. I can’t say it was the best cake I’ve ever tasted but it sure got us all laughing.

About this pregnancy, I have been feeling very well. Some cramps in my calves during nights but I started eating magnesium every night and I think it has helped.  I’m almost 25 weeks now. My belly is quite big, last time at nurse’s appointment (almost a month ago) she did a SF measurement and it was 22 cm, going over the scale big time. Since my father weighed 5,5 kilos at birth and me and sis over 4 kilos both I’m sure our baby is gonna be a giant as well. I’m lactating already some times and honestly, it’s yucky at this point. I’ve gained around 7 kilos so far and most is on my belly and breasts.

The baby moves around mostly in the evenings, but apparantely it’s favourites so far (concidering going crazy in my belly) have been 1) Russian restaurant in Tallinn 2)Creme brûlée dessert 3) Inglourious Basterds by Quentin Tarantino.

I’m 20 weeks today, so half of this pregnancy has passed already. I try to remain myself to enjoy every second of this, as this might well be the only single time in my life I get to be pregnant and I know how lucky I am to be here. I can feel the baby moving every day now, and she/he starts kicking like crazy every time I eat yoghurt Either it’s the baby’s way of telling she/he likes it or “stop feeding me this shit mom”.

I started at the new workplace on Monday. The work is not very challenging, the kind of a trained monkey could do, but the thought of a monthly paycheck really warms my heart and the atmosphere at the office is relaxed. Too bad the workplace is located in the middle of nowhere and this afternoon I had to take three buses to get home as DH needed the car since he’s working the late shift.

We got a new rental apartment ! And it’s in the same building we are living now so moving will be easy. It’s 69 sq meters with 3 rooms and the rent was affordable 850 euros. And the kitchen is equipped with a dishwasher! No more washing up! Woo hoo! We’ll be moving in next weekend. I can’t believe we have had this much good luck lately; me finding a new job, getting into the school and now the apartment. Can good stuff really happen to us or is there some shit to be expected around the corner?

On Friday we’ll have the u/s where it would be possible to tell whether I am carrying a boy or a girl. We have decided not to ask, but of course there’s a chance we’ll see it accidentally

We went to see Truckfighters yesterday. It’s an amzing Swedish stoner-band with probably the most energetic live performances I’ve ever witnessed, if I hadn’t been pregnant I would have taken part in the moshpit myself. Gotta love them, it was the third time I saw them play. This summer has been some what active gig-wise, before Truckfighters  I’ve seen Faith no More and Metallica and one Finnish band that was my ultimate favourite in late 1990s/early 2000. They have quit some years ago and only did a few comeback shows this summer. Seeing them play made me almost feel like 17 again; when they got on stage I felt this huge wave of nostalgia splashing over me. And there is one certainly great gig ahead this month when other Finnish band (PMMP) is performing in Helsinki. Can’t wait! I don’t know if the baby can hear anything yet from the outside world but if she/he can, she’s certainly been exposed to some good music during this summer!

Something totally awesome: I was accepted to the Master’s Programme I applied to! And something even better: I got a new job! It’s a very simple one I’m over educated and qualified for with a ridiculously low wage and not even in my field of expertise but I’m still excited to get out of the house after six months of unemployment/sporadic freelancer assignments.  It only lasts until the middle of November but it’s perfect as I would quit working in the beginning of December anyway. I was very anxious whether they would hire me as I told them in the interview I was preggo but luckily it wasn’t a problem for them. I’ll start working already next week! Things seem very positive at the moment

We are looking for a bigger apartment to rent as this one is only 55 square meters with two rooms and a kitchen and already with us and 3 cats (one is staying at DH’s father) it’s very crowded. There might be one 3 room apartment in the same building and we are really hoping to get it with a decent rent. The problem is that the rents are sky high in Helsinki area and we really couldn’t afford paying 1000 euros a month.

Today we are going finally to tell DH’s father and mother (they are divorced) about the baby. DH has wants to tell them both personally and at the same day (if other one gets to hear earlier it will cause problems, believe me…) and this is the first time we actually have them both in the same town at the same time. Well there’s not so much to tell anymore, you can see it quite clearly on my belly…

I had the monthly visit with the nurse today, my regular one was on holidays but actually I liked this one much better, see seemed actually like a professional and not a goofy old lady my regular one is. Since last night I’ve had some nasty pain on the left side of my stomach but according to the nurse it’s just my uterus growing and/or my endo adhesions stretching. Blood pressure, weight, hemoglobin and the pee tests were all ok and hearing the baby’s heartbeat is always very touching and gives me a more trusting feeling towards this pregnancy. I felt some strong movements on Tuesday evening but after that only a few mild ones, she/he is probably in a different position now.

Have a great weekend everyone !

Me and DH going out last night

Yesterday’s dinner was great. I had the best mushrooms Julienne, lamb saslik and chocolate Troika ever. We totally ate too much and enjoyed every second of it.

Since many of my clothes don’t fit me anymore my cousin has been kind and borrowed me bunch of the clothes she wore during her pregnancy. Like the black woollen dress I’m wearing in the picture. It’s good that we are normally same size, since I could return the favor and borrowed her some of the gems of my wardrobe I can’t use with my new belly. So we both win here! My cousin has much more classic and “stylish” taste in clothes than I do, so I get compliments all time from my friends for my new clothes

Stylish mama-to-be

I haven’t really shopped for any maternity clothes yet, I only ordered 3 t-shirts from Punkbabyclothes.net and they arrived last week. Too bad they got stuck in the customs and I had to pay extra fee for them, boo! The shop has nice punk/rock-style maternity shirts and baby stuff. This was one of the shirts I got:

My boobs have out-grown all my bras so I had to buy a new set. And it was C-cup! WOOHOO! That’s a major milestone for the skinny flatchested girl who was teased throughout junior high for having no breasts. I know this usually is just a temporarily phase but I’m enjoying my new curves totally.

My sis, her hubby and my parents visited Poland while we were in Spain and last weekend sis and her DH came here as we were selling jewelry at yet another market (the greatest success for us so far!). She brought us this from Poland. It’s so cute with the emblem of Poland and the colours!

Polish baby clothing

It’s our second wedding anniversary today Two years ago we said our vows in a registry office with only two of DH’s friends (and their child) as witnesses, spent the night in the fanciest hotel of Helsinki (our neighbor had organised it as he works there), flew off to Austria for hiking and sent the shocking news to our relatives in a form of wedding photos and invitations to our church ceremony which we held later for the closest family.

I’m so incredibly happy we are here now. We had so much struggles during the first two years of our marriage and infertility was one of them. Last year on our anniversary day we were still a bit hopeful about conceiving naturally but only a few months later we started the treatments. And I’m so glad we did.

Since we are completely broke at the moment we can’t travel anywhere to celebrate or buy gifts (we even had to cancel our trip to Lapland which SUCKS so bad) but we are going to eat in our favourite Russian restaurant (ok, we really couldn’t afford that either but we are going still). And since I’m not going to have any sparkling wine or red wine with the dinner it’s going to be a bit cheaper than usually.

I would love a glass of red wine actually. I do miss some of my favourite drinks like wine and cider. I know some people will find me a complete ungrateful vino when I say that I miss alcohol but that’s my brutally honest feeling at the moment. Nothing like a dry apple cider on a hot summer’s day, enjoyed at a terrace bar with your friends or a glass (or several) of delicious red wine with a good dinner. Coke and water just isn’t the same. Not drinking any alcohol also excludes you from your  partying crowd of friends, as alcohol plays a key role in the Finnish get-together culture. Of course I can still go out with my friends but being the only one sober in the whole bar is kind of boring in the end and I’ve noticed that I’m not invited to come along many times others are going out. I admit, cider and wine used to be a big part of my weekends too and these 4 months without a drink have maybe been the longest time without any drink since the age of 14.

Before anyone gets wrong ideas;  I’m not whining about my sad pregnancy and the fact that I can’t drink. This baby has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I would stop doing/eating/drinking what ever if needed. I’m just saying I do miss some drinks even though a pregnant woman shouldn’t say that out loud (at least in Finland, where everyone is hysterical about pregnant women and what they can eat or drink).

We had our French friend visiting Helsinki for one week and I asked him if women in France stop drinking red wine when they get pregnant. He said no, and that doctors even suggest drinking Bordeaux wine since it’s good for your heart. Funny how the attitudes towards the same substance can vary so much inside Europe. Here it’s adviced to stop consuming any alcohol the second you get a BFP and a preggo woman having a glass of wine would get serious frowns at any restaurant. I still suspect that the French might get as healthy babies as we do.

I’m 16w 4days today, my belly can be seen clearly but it’s still rather small. Most of my jeans don’t fit anymore. I’ve started to feel funny bubbling inside my stomach, which I hope are the baby’s movements Nausea has passed and I’m not such a pizza face anymore, so I can show myself in public again.

We are having new music-style jewellery at the shop, go and visit (even though it’s in Finnish)! Ordering abroad is possible with payment through paypal.

All through this pregnancy I’ve been waiting eagerly for my belly to grow. And now when it finally has started to happen, it feels weird. The fact that strangers can see that I’m pregnant.  One of my sisters friends even congratulated me on facebook after seeing our photos from Spain there. And I thought it wasn’t showing! Yesterday I was shopping with my cousin who has lost a lot of weight after breastfeeding and is now maybe European size 34 (XS). I looked huge next to her, even though I’ve only gained 2 kilos during these 14 weeks. But I love my belly and can’t wait for it to get even bigger.

Here’s the picture (with no head because I looked like a complete moron). It doesn’t look so big here but it’s definetely showing.

I also had my monthly visit to the maternity counseling yesterday, everything was in order (though my hemoglobine had dropped to 124) and I got to hear the heartbeat too Next month we’ll have the second ultrasound, after that there are no u/s appointments unless we’ll go to a private doctor. That sucks.

We visited DH’s friend couple on Wednesday, they are the ones whose pregnancy drove me to tears just before getting our bfp. Apparantely they don’t know about our struggles, although majority of our friends do, and when the preggo lady joked how we both couples have been active in the bedroom around the same time I felt a bit uneasy. I felt I should have told them that actually in our case it was the doctors who were active, but for some reason I couldn’t open my mouth. And afterwards felt like a cheater. Sometimes it feels like too much work to explain all about IVF and why we can’t have babies like normal people, especialyl when the audience isn’t someone close to me.

One of our cats was missing for almost 3 weeks. He disappeared from our balcony and although we searched the forest near us several times we couldn’t find him. We put posters in the neighborhood and this week two people called they had seen him, which gave us some hope. Other of them offered to borrow a trap to catch him, and we set it up last evening just 100 meters away from our balcony. This morning I went to check the trap and couldn’t believe my eyes, our cat was there ! He had lost a lot of weight and had some mites but otherwise was ok. We took him to the vet for check up and he was given some antibiotics and medicine for worms and now he’s been sleeping almost the whole day. We are so happy he’s home again

Something good came out of his disappearance though; we found a treasure of mushrooms just a few hundred meters away from home. We never thought that this suburbian small forest could be the home of hunderds of chanterelles, and apparantely nobody else thought so too. I’m going mushroom hunting this evening too, chanterelles are the best mushrooms in the world if you ask me and you have to pay like 20 euros a kilo if you buy them in a shop. Now they cost nothing