Fourth time lucky?

So it was, IUI#4 today. I had still peak positive OPK this morning and my temp was only 36.2C so we decided it wasn’t too late and made us an appointment. Everything was “suberb” again according to my RE; my lining (8.9mm), the timing, the sperm count (8 million) and motility (97% after the wash)… She said that’s there’s no reason we shouldn’t get pregnant. I just don’t believe in it anymore. The catheter hurt a little this time and in the afternoon I had some spotting. this has happened never before.

This time I ovulated from the left side, glad to see that side working too since 3 times in a row it was the right ovary popping the eggies! There was a big follicle on the right side too, but the one one the left was bigger and had already burst. I secretly wish that the right side will release an egg too, although I don’t know if that’s even possible.

After the iui I had an acupuncture appointment with a new acupuncturist; this time a Finnish old lady who looked like mrs. Santa Claus A symphatetic old hippie, I loved her! She’s also a gynecologist and specializes in treating infertility with acupuncture. The treatment she gave was super relaxing, I would like to see her again if I have money for that. It’s very uncertain will we receive our paychecks now after the bankruptcy…

The little gremlins are doing everything forbidden; hanging from the curtains, hanging from the laundry that’s drying, eating our plants and stealing our socks from the bedroom. So adorable

Isn’t this splendid!

I got a positive OPK a minute ago. How great is that! Ha! Not peak positive but positive enough anyway. I guess it’ll be peak tomorrow morning. We’ll probably go in for iui on Monday then although I’m quite sure it’ll be too late. I’m so not surprised for this. Thanks again, universe.

Regarding my job, nobody seems to know anything. Sony is considering buying parts of our company but only in Sweden, Norway and Denmark. We’ll just wait for the bulldozers then. The way these news reached the employees is a whole another story. We had to google-translate Danish stock web pages to get the information about the bankruptcy. But something g0od; I got a phone call yesterday and was asked to do a small web graphic project. Felt like a god-send at that moment.

Yesterday evening with DH was great. We made a restaurant bill worth of a small apartment’s rent… I ate reindeer (sorry Rudolph!) and had a few vodkas too. I love that restaurant, even though it’s really pricey.

Tonight I’m home alone with the cats (who seem to get along better now), DH is in Pori with his band to shoot their promo pictures. I guess I’ll spend the evening polishing my cv and building up my portfolio site.

Merry fucking christmas to me

The company I work for filed for bankruptcy this morning. 200 people of 300 will be laid off. Merry christmas everyone! On a bright side, maybe this means I’ll finally can get out of here and receive unemployment benefit for the time I’ll apply for a new job. Or maybe I’ll just go to school to study for a gardener.

I didn’t get an IUI for my birthday. But I got a beutiful bracelet and chocolate from DH and we went to the music quiz And tomorrow we’ll dine in a a nice Russian restaurant.

Still no signs of O, no positive OPK, no twinges, nada, zip, nothing. With my luck, the test will be perfectly positive on Saturday morning.

8 million!

That is the number of swimmers we had today ! That is like a zillion times better than the lousy 1 million we had last time! Woo hoo! DH really improved his targeting skills The timing seemed to be perfect too; apparently the egg was just about to be released but the follicle hadn’t started to collapse just yet (like the 2 times before). Which means that I ovulate really fast after getting a positive OPK, because yesterday at 5PM it was still negative and positive this morning at 7.30AM, so I guess the peak started somewhere in the middle of last night.

And again I ovulated from my right side, although there was a smaller follicle on the left side too. This was the third time in a row from the right side so I asked the RE whether it’s normal or not, but she said there’s no need to worry since my left side seems to be working fine too.. On August’s u/s I did ovulate from the left side. It’s funny because I was sure that this cycle it was the left ovary too because I get constantly twinges on that side. But I guess they might be more endo-related pains then… Doc also told that some times the twinges may radiate from side to another because the ovaries lie quite close to each other.

I fetched my progesterone supplies from the pharmacy and will be starting them on Monday. Exciting times! We agreed with RE to do one more IUI if this one doesn’t do the trick. But I hope so much this third time will carry a lucky charm!

Weekend

Weekend was so much fun! On Friday evening after trying out two Kias we had the gluttony/wine feast with DH and watched In the valley of Elah. On Saturday morning we headed to Turku and DH dropped me at my sister’s and went to visit a friend of his. Me and sis did some business stuff first (we are starting a web shop for jewelry in near future!) and then had some Passoa. Then some Bailey’s. Then opened the Russian sparkling wine We had a dinner reservation at 8PM and of course we got in a hurry because we had to take the obligatory party poses before running to the taxi.

The stunning sisters

Dinner was great, food was absolutely delicious and the restaurant was cosy. We had snails with blue cheese for starters and I had lamb with two souces for the main course. Unfortunately there wasn’t any room for dessert though, so we only had coffee and helped our selves to another serving of Baileys. Then headed to the bar across the street (the one where my sister met her hubby for the first time) and danced the whole evening to Finnish rock classics. And had some salty liquorice vodka shots (a Finnish speciality). Ok I know you shouldn’t be drinking while traveling on the ttc wagon but I get to go out with my sister like once a year so it was a special occasion and I wasn’t drunk drunk. We had so much fun ! Going out with my sis is a bit like going out with a prom queen; all men would like to have her and all women hate her because of her looks. She looks like a beautiful fairy

On Sunday morning I had to drive the first half of the trip because DH was too hung over. On the afternoon their band was rehearsing and my cousin came over with her son; he had just learned crawl! Soon he’ll be walking and talking too…

Now it’s CD17, 3DPO. I have the sore nipples I seem to get every other cycle during ovulation. Last cycle I was missing this symptom; I don’t know whether it’s a positive or a negative sign. No back pain yet although I had some before ovulating. Minor cramps but nothing extraordinary. Not too high hopes because of the low sperm count, but feeling positive still that there could be a slight chance we would succeed.

Setback

IUI #2 done, and seeds planted inside of me. Doc was nice and professional and said that the timing was perfect (as last time too). I seemed to ovulate again from the right ovary. There was a problem though. Apparantely DH missed a few drops of his swimmers and now the total sperm count was only 0.9 million after the wash up treatment when last time it was 7 million. 0.9 million sounds like a big number but in the fascinating world of IUI it isn’t. It’s a small pathetic number and with our luck all those swimmers will just go round in circles and bump to each other and never find Mrs Egg. Oh well, a setback in our  ttc history, what else is new?

I asked about the progesterone prescription and the doctor said I don’t need it as my natural level at CD20 was 30. For some reason I get the impression that the docs at my clinic are quite reluctant to put me on any hormones since everything seems to be working fine. I’m not sure how to feel about this. Maybe it’s a good thing not to have any extra drugs just in case, but maybe they would make me feel more confident about everything working as it’s supposed to.

Now the 12 day wait, but I’m not getting my hopes too high with these numbers.

Something brighter though; it’s Friday and I skipped worked today! After the visit to the car dealer we’ll have our traditional Friday night feast of gluttony, wine and movies and tomorrow we’ll travel to Turku and I’ll wine, dine and have fun with my dear sister . And next Thursday I’ll go with my workmates to see these guys play live:

Coming up…IUI#2 today!

I got the positive OPK result yesterday evening! Woohoo! It seems that my eggs have a twisted sense of humor and like to see me get nervous.  We have an appointment for the IUI#2 today at 1PM. Too bad though that my own doctor won’t be there, so we have to trust with this to a stranger. I hope he’ll be nice and I hope he can give me the prescription for progesterone!

Later today we will go to test drive some cars because we have to get rid of our shitty Fiat. According to the estimate price we got from the car dealer its value has dropped 50% within a year. How fucking nice is that. Honestly, during this year it has been fixed 5 times and it’s not an old car but a 2005 model. It’s the first own car for the both of us; I went over 2 years without driving one meter because I never had a car. I have never driven in Helsinki center and I dread even the idea. I’m the lousiest driver ever when it comes to parking; I need a lot that’s size of an airfield to get my car parked without hitting any others.

And as I promised, here is my latest work!

Underwater

O-ou

Still neg this morning. Shit. Fuck.Shit. With my luck I’ll get the perfect two lines on Saturday and then this cycle will be screwed IUI-wise. If it’s positive tomorrow morning we’ll do it already tomorrow afternoon.

Why can’t I live in a country that believes in customer service and would have clinics open on weekends too?

Now I have to pray to the baby gods to make get the positive OPK either tomorrow or then on Sunday. But please not on Saturday. The same shit as last cycle.

Uncertain times

I’m on CD12 and no positive OPK so far. This morning’s line was though a bit more darker than yesterday’s and I think I’ll test again this evening. Last cycle I got the first positive on the evening of CD12 but somehow this cycle feels different. I’ve had some twinges on both sides, mainly on the left side, but much less than a month ago. I hope this doesn’t mean that the big O is coming late because the weekend is approaching again and I CAN’T ovulate on Sunday. It sucks so much that the clinics are closed on weekends because now I have to worry every cycle whether  I’ll O on a correct day or not. So keep your fingers crossed for a positive OPK tomorrow morning, so we could do the IUI#2 on Friday!

I’m going to see my sister next weekend. She doesn’t know yet that we are doing IUI, and I’d like to share this with her. It just isn’t something you blurt on the phone, at least for a phone-handicapped person like me. I seriously don’t like to call people, me and DH are both sms-people and if I could I’d do all the appointment reservation etc. on the net.

On the news it seems that the only important thing at the moment is the global financial crisis. I remember the recession of the early 90’s much too well; a lot of people got sacked and all costs were cut to the minimum at schools, hospitals, everywhere. My parents run a small company and we really didn’t have any money those years. I seriously hope that this won’t lead to similar times.

Me and DH planned to buy our own apartment/house last year. After checking several options we had spotted one beautiful house (much like the one where I grew up) in a small town an hour by train from Helsinki, near where my parents live. We were ready to place an offer when the sellers had to withdraw the house from the sales because they didn’t get the house they were planning to move into.  We were really disappointed about this and lost our interest in looking for any house. Now I think we were not meant to have the house, we were not meant to move there, we were not meant to be homeowners at this point.

We couldn’t actually afford buying a house at the moment.  We couldn’t even afford buying an appartment. If we bought one our economy would be extremely thight.  The prices for houses/apartments in Helsinki are ridiculous; with the price of an 2 room apartment in a ghettoish part of town you’d get a big house with a large yard in northern Finland. We won’t ever afford to buy a house in Helsinki; they cost 300 000€ minimum. And with the current interest rates I’m happy we are still living in the same rental apartment as 3 years ago. It’s a nice apartment, 2 rooms, 55 square meters, balcony and view to the forest, only 10 minutes to the center with the subway. A bit small, yes, but cosy and looks like us definetely plus we have the best neighbor ever

After pondering togehter whether to invest in a house/apartment we came to the conclusion that we won’t. At least for now. Buying a house seemed the like the next step in the ordinary continuum we were trying so eagerly to follow. And then we realized that it isn’t really our dream and we can break the pattern if we want to. We are not the most ordinary couple in any sense so why would we try to act like one if it really isn’t our thing? We want to have some money for living and enjoying life too, not just paying for a damn house. We do want to get out of Helsinki at some point for sure, at least if we ever get a baby, but that doesn’t necessarely mean buying a house. I’m a small town girl and I want my children to have a small town childhood too if possible.

The other step in the continuum is of course having children. And that is one “traditional” step we want to follow despite our many other untraditional ways. I refuse to think that not being able to have a baby normally would mean that we were not meant to have one ever. Maybe we weren’t meant to have the baby already when we started ttc, maybe we needed to sort some things in our relationship first, maybe we needed to grow up a little, maybe it all has been just bad luck. And maybe all the waiting and disappointments will be rewarded. And still it’s a maybe. Maybe this cycle!

IUI accomplished!

Didn’t get much sleep last night as I was worrying whether today would be too late or not. I called the clinic on the minute they opened and made an appointment for the IUI at 1.15PM. DH had left a bit earlier to the clinic to release his swimmers, only to be called back once he was in downtown since I learned on the phone with the nurse that it would be better to give his sample later.

A couple of hours later DH left to the clinic as I sat home anxiously. Apparantely he’d been quite anxious too so getting his sample took longer than usual. A little later I left to downtown too and we went to the clinic together. We waited for our appointment and told each other stupid jokes and laughed hysterically. We both have a really nasty sense of humor and that’s probably one of the reasons we are together.

Our doc went straight to the business, I got my pants off and a minute later the swimmers had been inserted. Painless and fast (I wish I could say cheap too…)! Looking at the u/s doc told that our timing “couldn’t have been better” and I was so relieved to hear that since I worried the whole weekend about this. She also told that DH’s swimmers responded very well to the treatment and that now 85% of them were fast swimmers.

So according to our doctor we have really good odds in succeeding! I know that this was only the first step; now we’d need those swimmers to fertilize my egg and that egg to implant and stay on board. Since my bloodwork was normal and the uterian lining looked thick enough doc said that she doesn’t want to put me on any hormones. We’ll just rely on mother nature on the rest of the cycle. I truly hope she’ll be on our side.

Now I just need something to distract me for the following 12 days (my usual luteal phase) so I won’t obsess with this! I’ve made a deal with myself not to do any bbt charting for the rest of the cycle and only POAS if AF is late for real.

But all in all,  I’m so excited !