Fourth time lucky?

So it was, IUI#4 today. I had still peak positive OPK this morning and my temp was only 36.2C so we decided it wasn’t too late and made us an appointment. Everything was “suberb” again according to my RE; my lining (8.9mm), the timing, the sperm count (8 million) and motility (97% after the wash)… She said that’s there’s no reason we shouldn’t get pregnant. I just don’t believe in it anymore. The catheter hurt a little this time and in the afternoon I had some spotting. this has happened never before.

This time I ovulated from the left side, glad to see that side working too since 3 times in a row it was the right ovary popping the eggies! There was a big follicle on the right side too, but the one one the left was bigger and had already burst. I secretly wish that the right side will release an egg too, although I don’t know if that’s even possible.

After the iui I had an acupuncture appointment with a new acupuncturist; this time a Finnish old lady who looked like mrs. Santa Claus A symphatetic old hippie, I loved her! She’s also a gynecologist and specializes in treating infertility with acupuncture. The treatment she gave was super relaxing, I would like to see her again if I have money for that. It’s very uncertain will we receive our paychecks now after the bankruptcy…

The little gremlins are doing everything forbidden; hanging from the curtains, hanging from the laundry that’s drying, eating our plants and stealing our socks from the bedroom. So adorable

First RE appointment

So we had the RE appointment today, finally. I was quite nervous the whole morning before going there, I don’t know why. Our doctor was a really nice lady. Straighforward in her speech, which suits us better than fine. And we are in fact much wiser after this first appointment already.

It turned out that even though DH’s SA said that his sperm is fine, there seem to be some problems with the high antibody levels. This means that although he has a lot of good quality swimmers who move forward they can’t really reach their target because of abnormal viscocity.

I had the dildocam examination which revealed that I O’d probably yesterday from my left ovary. I thought so too, because the temp was 0.5C higher this morning. The doc told me however to stop charting, NOW, because it only adds more stress. So I’ll go bury my thermometer on the backyard. My ovaries, uterus and the uterian lining all looked flawless. My docs words: “you will certainly get pregnant with this uterus” Yay! She also said that I’m very likely to ovulate normally since I have regular cycles and have gotten positive OPKs and my tubes are open. Of course we still have to do the bloodwork to confirm that my hormones are working properly. I hope not to get any surprises there…

She said that they don’t normally start to plan the treatments on the first visit, but since we already had the SA results and my endo history papers she was comfortable suggesting IUI on natural cycle already for next month. I know it’s not the most effective treatment in the world but if the problem has really been with the swimmers not getting to the right place, not my endo, then it might do it! The doc said that she doesn’t “normally” start the treatments with IUI but in our case she thinks it might reall y do the trick. Can’t describe how excited I am! Now I only have to find out how to do my CD21 bloodwork in the middle of LAPLAND.

Yesterday’s gig was awesome. Those girls definetely rock!!

False hope

It’s CD 28, temp dropped to 36.7C this morning. All the small hopes I had inside dropped as well. Why do I torture myself each month thinking that these cramps and pains might somehow be different? That this time It would have worked despite the pains which are IDENTICAL to the ones I’ve had each cycle for 13 months? Why do I keep fooling myself? I feel exactly the same as every month before the menses.

My chart looks exactly like two months before; dip from over 37C to 36.7C just before CD1. So come on AF, I know you are coming so you might as well show your ugly face! Only thing that I don’t understand is the long LP. According to my ff I’m on 15DPO and my usual LP is 10-12 days. Maybe I didn’t O on CD13. Maybe it was much later. And it doesn’t really mean shit at this point which day I O’d!

Next week I’m having a reflexologist appointment on Monday and a homeopathic doctor appointment on Tuesday. I hope that those nice hippies could help me.

Yesterday I had a girl-evening just by myself as hubby was working in another town. I listened to Fiona Apple’s Extraordinary Machine (made me feel much better), cooked meatballs (btw they are Finnish not Swedish!) and salad, slouched on the couch with a women’s magazine watching halfly Canada’s next top model (I think Finland might be the only country in the world where they run foreign reality show’s on tv) and  then put BH90210 on the dvd player (it was the episode where Brandon gets work at the Peach Pit). And totally enjoyed myself

It’s like October here. Pouring rain and 12C. If the weather doesn’t change before my holiday in the end of August I’m gonna start consider moving to Ibiza.

Total Awesomeness!

We went to see Kung Fu Panda on Friday after work. It was a totally awesome movie. Hilarious, entertaining, pretty cg eye-candy with good voice-acting. I <3 Jack Black. It was definetely his movie.

Before the film there were commercials as usual, and during one phone operator spot I almost burst into hormonal tears; it was about a nerdy little boy going to school for the first day and his mother taking him there. Of course I started thinking if I’ll ever get to take my child to school and wait for them anxiously to come home. And then I started to think what if I’ll finally get pregnant and we’ll get a girl and I’ll pass on all this endometriosis shit to her and she’ll have all these problems aswell? Luckily the movie was so good it took my faul mood away. The PMS-hormone attacks are a true bitch. One time pmsing I even cried when  Paul Potts was singing on the telly. Seriously. That’s sick.

After the movie we went to eat in a Greek restaurant and during a 5 minutes time I saw 3 pregnant women parading by the window rubbing their bellies. Couldn’t there be a law that pregnant women should stay at home or with their giant bellies?

The trip to Naantali was great even though the weather wasn’t. I’ll post some photos later. The villa was cosy and in the middle of the pretty old town. I envy the people who get to live there on a regular basis. We popped the champagne (though we are so ignorant we couldn’t really taste the difference to a chepaer bubbly) and had strawberries and chocolate with it and gave each other presents. I quess not quite the traditional wedding anniversary gifts but then again we are not the most traditional people either. My husband told me beforehand that he had picked a gift that he was sure would make me laugh. And of course I bursted into spontaneus laughter after opening the wrapping and seeing this:

The best gift really! I’ve been missing Brenda & Co so much these years We already watched the first episode yesterday. As we are games/movies/entertainment-junkies, my gift to my Husband was in a digital disc aswell.  We tried out some zombie-whacking yesterday evening, quite much fun!

On the Saturday evening we dined in a fancy restaurant and I slipped from my diet with the half a bottle of champagne, half a bottle of chardonnay, white bread, chocolate and the delicious panna cotta I had for dessert. You could say we truly enjoy eating. It was a great evening. I love my husband. And food. But now I’m back to my regime. Swear.

This morning while walking to the bus stop through the forest the weather felt so autumny. I love autumn but couldn’t we get more of summer than 2 days this year? The climate change messes everything up. No real summers anymore, no real winters with snow. Only gray, rainy days.

It’s CD24, temp was 36.9C this morning. Heavy cramps, massive back pain yesterday. I predict AF for this afternoon.

Just noticed that my sneakers smell like cat’s pee. Thanks guys.

Cramps, bloody cramps…

I know AF is on the way. She’ll arrive on Monday or Tuesday. It’s CD 21 (8DPO), my luteal phase is 10-12, temp was 37.0C this morning and I’ve started to cramp more so everything is going just like each month before this, only that this cycle will be the shortest ever.

Sigh.

I won’t let this ruin the weekend. It’s our 1st wedding anniversary on 3rd August and we’re going on Saturday to Naantali, stay in an old villa, pop the bottle of Veuve Cliquot we got as a wedding present, eat something really good, enjoy and relax. Naantali is supposed to be the sunniest town in Finland but they’ve forecasted rain for Saturday. I hope it’ll be sunny neverthless!

6dpo?

It was 36.8 this morning, it’s CD19. So I guess I’m 6dpo or something. Well the cramps seem to be getting stronger so in less than an a week it’ll be CD1 again. What a pathetic short cycle!

Wtf, did I ovulate without noticing it?

It’s CD 18. My bbt was 36.8C this morning. Yesterday it was 36.5C and the day before 36.9C. Days before the temperature varied from 36.3C to 36.7C. I got the “almost” positive OPK on the cd 13. Now my fertilityfriend suggests that I would have ovulated on CD13. But where were the ovulation pains, sore nipples and headaches then? If it’s over 36.7C tomorrow I’ll believe it’s true but I’m sceptic, I never ovulate this early. What is going on?! Is this an anovulatory cycle maybe? How can it be this difficult to interpret your own body?

The tooth isn’t aching anymore and I managed to go orienteering yesterday. I’m maybe the worst map-reader ever but I love running in the forest. I missed three spots this time so I totally sucked but neverthless I felt really good afterwards. I need to exercise much more, preferably outdoors. It will keep me sane in the middle of all this infertility shit

1st appointment to the fertility clinic…in a month

I made the call this morning, and now we have to wait just another MONTH to get to the clinic. 21st August, 10.30 AM.

I’m going to bring the pile of paper with doctors statements about my endometriosis and infertilitas primaria with me, plus I’m going to print out all my bbt charts with my notes about backache and cramps from hell that last the whole month, thank you endometriosis. One whole month of waiting just for an appointment with an interview. And this was the more expensive clinic. I wonder how long the lines are for treatments then. But anyway, now I at least feel we are going somewhere. Slowly, but onward anyway.

Delayed ovulation

In the beginning of this cycle i caught the flu, and it lasted for over a week. Sore throat, mild fever, head full of snot and as a result I also didn’t ovulate on the usual days 16-18. Now it’s cycle day 30 on my usual 28-30 cycle and I think I ovulated just yesterday or the day before.

How do I know this? Today my bbt was 36.8 C, 0.1C higher than the highest I’ve been getting before ovulation, my nipples have been really sore for a few days (=this occurs almost every month during ovulation and YES of course I tested a big fat negative for pregnancy) and I’ve had the usual pain on my ovaries + the changes in my cervical mucus. Only that I’ve hadn’t gotten a + on my OPK, but I didn’t have the strips with me on the holiday because I wanted to have a break from them as well. So if I really ovulated yesterday, I should expect my period on cd 41-42, as my luteal phase tends to be around 11 days. This will be the longest cycle I’ve had during this year, I had one 37 days a few months ago.

I had 10 days holiday from work and we traveled to Slovenia. Maybe the best trip I’ve ever made. The picture of me below tells it all! We rented a car and explored the western part of the beautiful country, from alpine sceneris in the north to the Italian-styled Adriatic sea on the south. I didn’t think of work one single minute, however I did think about conceiving. It is almost impossible to get it out of my mind these days. However, a lot of effort was made for that goal on the holiday and it wasn’t stressful at all

Before the trip I visited a homeopathic doctor due to a friend’s recommendation. She has PCOs and said that homeopathy has really helped her with the pains. I’m always open to try all “new-agy” and alternative stuff so I went there with a curious mind. The doctor was a really nice 50ish woman and I spent an hour and a half talking about myself. Not just all my medical symptoms (like my migraine, endomteriosis, skin problems, hihg blood pressure, stress, anxiety…) but everything about me. She asked among other things whether I like thunderstorms or not, do I like the see, what do I do preferably on my spare time, which food I enjoy and which ones I hate. Just talking with her made me feel so much better.

I was prescribed sepia for my symptoms and also a cell mineral (the name of which I can’t remember). I know a lot of people see these healers just as tricksters trying to get your money, but I’m willing to believe it works. At least my mood has been a lot better since starting taking the remedies, no more anxiety attacks. I also visit a reflexologist on a regular basis, it is one of the most relaxing things I know and should help on endo as well.

Overall, I’m feeling quite positive and bright about everything. If this cycle or next one doesn’t bring the wanted results, we’ll go to a clinic and get more help.