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My philosophy as a mother

December 19, 2011

I think I have none.

I have fed my both babies with breast and bottle, tried out cloth nappies and decided I prefer disposable ones, carried my babies in Manduca and in a sling as well as pushed them in the stroller and let them sit in the bouncer and crawl on the cat hair filled floor. Our kids have rules but they do have kisses and hugs too. I’m not pro-any “mother-ism”, I only pro-getting through the day the most comfortable way for us.

If I get through the day with both kids unharmed, fed and diapers changed I think I’ve done a good job. If I get to take a nap with the kids that’s a huge bonus. If our son doesn’t throw more than three tantrums during the day, that’s a miracle. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children but in the evening I’m exhausted.

Here’s our usual schedule: (DD=Dear daughter, DS=Dear son)

1 AM I give DD her bottle

During the night 2-random amount of baby soothing and finding the missing pacifier

5-6 AM Feeding no. 2 after which little miss sunshine chatters in her crib next to me, obviously too loud for me to sleep.

7 AM DH wakes up and gives DS his morning porridge with blueberries, sometimes DD sleeps this time but if she doesn’t, he feeds her too.

8.30 AM DH wakes me up and leaves for work

8.30-9.15 AM I have my breakfast, clean up some (or not), dream of having a shower, we watch cartoons and play in DS’s room.

A rare happening

watching the morning children's programs

9.15 AM I try to put clothes on a kicking and screaming octopus, also known as our son. After yelling and fighting about the same thing over and over again I get him dressed, dress DD and try to put my own clothes as fast as possible while DD is screaming her lungs off because she hates waiting in her winter clothes.

9.30 I put both kids in the stroller and we head for grocery store nearby (approx 400m). Some times Sisu wants to walk on his own and the journey will take 30 minutes as he admires every car and squirrel on the way.

looking tired much?

9.40-10 AM At the grocery store, DS wants to have his own little shopping cart and tries to hit everyone in the store and puts groceries of his choice in the cart when I’m not watching. I try to get through the store with our mega-wide stroller without knocking things from the selves. One time I got stuck at the checkout counter because the way wasn’t wide enough. At the checkout DS tries to throw the groceries on the counter with variable success. After that he tries to run away through the entrance. I try to stuff the grocery bag under the stroller which is one of the most difficult things imaginable.

10-11.15 AM We go to the city organized play park near us to meet other kids and parents. If it’s good weather we play first outside, if not, I try to convince DS to get inside of me which he usually protests. Like today when he wanted to play in the pouring rain with no one else around. DS is a little attention thief and get’s all the personnel to play with him. DD usually sleeps in the stroller at least for 30 minutes while we are there, some times even the whole time. DS has a banana for snack, some times DD has some formula. If we go inside the whole battle with clothes is repeated when we leave for home. The play park is great. I get to meet other mom’s (and have even made friends with some) and DS gets to play with other kids. And it costs nothing.

11.30-12 AM I carry kids and shopping bags plus our diaper bag home. DS protests and want’s to play in the staircase and ring neighbor’s doorbell. I put DS’s food in the microwave, undress both kids outerwear (and myself while sweating like a pig), try to get DS to the table to eat his food and put Sissi in the bouncer and warm her food. Usually DS won’t eat by himself so I have to feed him first and let DD wait or try to feed them both simultaneously which is a challenge.

12 PM I change DS’s diaper, we do some potty training (or not) and he goes to nap with his bunnies and pacifier. I feed DD with pureed vegetables and meat, change her diaper and play with her if she isn’t tired. I try to clean some of the mess in the kitchen.

Pureed carrots and potatoes

12.30-1.30 PM DD has some formula and goes to her nap. I sit on the computer and have some quality time with gmail, facebook and others and try to do some tasks for our web shop. I warm my lunch (last night’s delicious leftovers) in the microwave and eat it while watching some quality entertainment (like ANTM) on tv.

1.30 PM I try to crawl as quiet as possible to the bedroom so DD won’t wake up and I can have my nap aswell. Or then DS will wake up at this time (like today) and there’s no nap for mommy! Or then I’m greedy and use all the nap time for school assignments, internets or tv.

DS in his bed

Around 2-3 PM DS wakes up, I change his diaper and give him cereal with yogurt. Usually DD wakes up soon as well and I give her some pureed fruits.

3-5 PM We play inside, watch cartoons and DS might paint something. Some days we go outside but now it get’s pitch black dark at 4PM and it’s raining so that option is not very tempting. Sometimes we get a play date visitor and mommies can have a cup of coffee and gossip while the kids play.

Intense painting exercise

enjoying coffee and cinnamon buns

5 PM DS and DD have dinner, DD will go to nap no 3.

5.30 PM DH gets home from work, he will play with DS and we watch tv.

6 PM DD wakes from her nap

6.30 PM DS has his evening porridge, DD has some pureed fruit

6.45 PM DS goes to take a shower and we wash his teeth. DD might have her bath (not every evening) and we wash her teeth.

7 PM Both kids go to sleep, DD might have some formula.

7. 30 PM Me and DH have dinner, talk about the day and watch crap on tv and relax. I might do some work on the computer or read for my thesis.

10.30 PM I go to sleep.

Our days go pretty much the same route. Going out every morning is a challenge but still I prefer it to staying inside.

And last but not least, happy holidays everyone :)

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Getting settled

June 7, 2011

 

Curious little sister

Life with two children means a lot more chaos than before and one has to be hell of a good organizer to get through the every day tasks. Us four leaving to the play park every morning takes about 45 minutes of preparation beforehand, wonder how I’ll manage it when DH’s paternity leave ends after two weeks?

It is true that the second baby doesn’t get as much attention as the firstborn since a lot of energy and time is needed to watch after a 1,5 year old. And it is also so much easier this time to take care of a baby, since we trust our own instincts and know that the baby is doing fine. She loves eating, and breastfeeding is going well now. Today we have a weighing so we’ll see how much’s she’s grown already at the ripe age of 10 days :)

I’m wondering what to do with this blog, since I’m not keen on sharing too much about my family life on the internet and I don’t even know if anyone is following anymore. Also I don’t have time to post too often so this has become a blog desert with a post here and there. I’m going to leave all the posts public as they are now, since many people searching for information about IF-treatments seem to come here. As for new posts, I don’t know if there will be any. If you want to know what’s happening with us, you can leave a comment with your email info (other’s won’t see your email) and I can befriend you in FB. My feed is mostly in Finnish but pictures are a universal language :)

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Little sister

May 31, 2011

 

Little sister 28th May 2011

Here she finally is! Our daughter was born on 28th May at 12.18 AM at 39w3days. 3314g and 48 cm.

Labor was fast and efficient this time! Painful contractions started around 4AM and I was already 7 cm dilated when we arrived at the hospital little before 8 AM. First couple of hours I felt there was no need for any pain reduction, since moving in the rocking chair and using my voice seemed to take the sharpest edge away from the contractions.

Around 11AM I started to feel more pain, and the midwife suggested entonox. Since it worked ok in my first labor, I decided to give it a try. This time it wasn’t doing so much and the contractions started to get worse and worse. Midwife did a pelvic exam and it turned out I hadn’t dilated more at all during these hours. Of course I thought that it’s going to be a 24hour hell all over again, so I asked for an epidural. Anesthetist doctor was called but she was busy with another patient and I was told she’d be with us 20 minutes later. Those 20 minutes were some of the most painful I have ever experienced, and the second the doctor came to the room I felt a massive urge to push. Pelvic showed I had dilated the last 3 cm during those 20 minutes so no epidural for me!

The pushing only took 8 minutes and I got to say it was quite primal, the urge to push was really intense and so was the pain too. Umbilical cord was twice around baby’s neck but the second she was out she started to scream. They lifted her on my lap and she felt so tiny! I started immediately breastfeeding and we stayed on the bed at least for an hour before another nurse came to do the measurings and I got to shower.

We only spent one night at the hospital and now are adjusting to life at home with two children. S is a littled muddled about this tiny creature who makes a large noise, but so far hasn’t had any tantrums about her. Breastfeeding didn’t start too well, the first night at home I tried it for 5 hours with a screaming baby and it seemed nothing came out so I had to make DH go to the gas station to buy some formula. Luckily yesterday the milk rose and now it’s over abundant!

We had a weighing at the hospital today and nurse said we can go outside today for the first time! Exciting :)

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Pregnancy test

May 19, 2011

This is actually a list of questions presented to a preggo woman in one particular Finnish baby magazine (that actually makes me furious after reading because of its “natural super mothers” attitude) in each episode. Here it goes!

I have been eating everything, salty and sweet

In early pregnancy all I devoured was salty and greasy stuff but lately it has been chocolate, ice-cream and cakes that make me extremely happy. And since the glucose test turned normal and the late u/s predicted a small baby (about 2,5kg at 35 weeks) I’ve had no quilty feelings for stuffing myself with that stuff.

Even the smell of coffee makes me want to vomit

First trimester I didn’t fancy coffee at all (normally I have 2-3 cups a day). Afterwards I’ve had about a (large) cup a day.

I could sleep all day

So true. Early pregnancy fatigue was terrible. Luckily S still napped a lot that time. Now he only takes one nap (about 2 hours) during which I try to have my lunch, watch quality TV like True Blood or Desperat Housewifes, enjoy my chocolates/ice-cream/cakes/all of them with coffee and if there’s still time left have a nap too. The last weeks I’ve been noticeably more tired again and during this pregnancy there really was no “energetic middle-pregnancy” at all!

Cramps on calves, heartburn, swelling, I’ve had all of them

Cramps during night, check. Heartburn, definetely and OMG it’s the worst thing ever. Swelling has luckily been absent this time.

I’ve felt like a sex bomb

Not really. Ok I love my rack at this size (normally a B cup, now E) but otherwise I miss my normal figure. And it doesn’t help that DH misses too.

I’ve gained tens of kilos of weight

This time around the weight gain has been quite moderate. I was 60 kg at BFP, then losed two kilos and now I’m about 68,5kg.

I’ve been really emotional

Oh yes. Can’t watch anything with babies/wedding/funeral from tv. Even the Bold and the Beautiful can make me cry. So fucking ridiculous.

A good mother will nurse long. (See what I told you about the magazines’s attitude!!!)

No. A good mother will nurse as long as it is possible in her situation. If nursing feels totally unpleasant and stressful for her she won’t sacrifice her own mental health just to be a good “natural mother”. Finland is a country of breast-feeding nazism and you will definetely be frowned upon if you stop breastfeeding just because you don’t want to do it or if you want to share the feeding responsibility with the baby’s father. Everyone has to “justify” their bottle-feeding with saying that the milk just stopped coming to get other mother’s approval. That’s just plain crazy.

Yes breastfeeding can be an amazing experience but it can also be quite the opposite as well and I totally understand mothers who don’t want to do it as I do understand those as well who enjoy it. What I can’t fathom is mothers who see themselves superior to others for breastfeeding as long as possible. I’ve heard about mothers who only ate rice-cakes and turkey cutlets while breastfeeding because all other food would affect the breastmilk and make the baby’s stomach upset. Seriously.In my pov breastfeeding no matter how difficult and stressful it feels is just plain stupid. I full nursed S 1 month and 4 months partly and bottle-feeding suited us really well.

I have planned the birth before hand

I know you really can’t plan the delivery but I have some wishes for the situation. I wish I’ll have a nice, understanding midwife who will suggest different positions and pain management for me and encourage me to move around. I’m willing to take an epidural if I’m in a lot of pain or if the labor won’t proceed well (last time epidural did the trick and I dilated from 4cm to 10cm in an hour). I want DH to be able to cut the umbilical cord and wash the baby for the first time. I wish they won’t have to cut an episiotomy as first time I was saved from that too. All in all, I wish I can trust my body and have a normal delivery with a healthy baby.

I’m 38w1day today and totally ready to have this baby!


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Getting ready!

April 29, 2011

I’m 90% sure this baby will come early. I’m 35w2days today and been having AF-kind of cramping for a while + a ton of braxton-hicks. On Monday I have an extra u/s because of the placenta issues at S’s birth (normally the last u/s here is around 20weeks…) and on Tuesday the doctor will check my cervix if there’s any process to be seen.

We have the baby’s bed and nursing table ready and I already started to pack the hospital bag :) Exciting and scary!

S is going to my parents for this weekend since this might be the last time in a long while that we’ll get to spend some quality time together. We’re going to see Scream4 and eat in a restaurant serving pacific cuisine :) Tomorrow we’ll have the May day brunch with some friends and then cook Russian blinis and other good stuff in the evening. Can’t wait!

Now I must turn on the telly and start to watch William and Kate exchanging vows :)

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Can’t wait…

April 20, 2011

..for this baby to come already! I’m 34 weeks today and this pregnancy is truly starting to take it’s toll.

I can only walk the 200 meters to the nearest grocery store and back before having contractions and feeling like giving birth any minute. Everything gives me heartburn, all the time. I also feel like there’s no air left in my lungs since I’m carrying my belly quite high. Add to that the constantly stuffed nose, I’m practically not breathing any more. I’m crying over so stupid stuff it’s beyond ridiculous. My relationship with DH has seen much better times. I’m cramping and feeling really uncomfortable almost all the time. My calves are cramping every night and I have to pee every two seconds. Plus I’m shit scared about how this all is going to work out with a newborn added to a toddler with a temper.

Actually, I’m pretty sure I will be in labor before the EDD 1st June, since I’m having so many braxton-hicks and cramps every day. My doctor’s appointment is next week and she’ll check the cervix then. I had a birth planning session with a midwife this week where we discussed the possible pain relievement methods I want to use during labor. Since entonox worked so well last time I’ll surely try it again. And if the pain gets too intense/labor lasts forever I’m willing to have an epidural. Last time it helped me to dilate from 4cm to 10cm in an hour, after suffering hours and hours in the 4cm limbo before having it.

We changed our car to a bigger one and got S a new (used) bed so his old bed will go to the baby. Finding a double stroller is apparently a challenge of its own, since we want’ to get a model where the other kid sits behind the other (we use public transport a lot so the stroller needs to fit into elevators etc.) and there are not many such models available here. Yesterday we went to check out the Phil & Teds strollers but I’m not really convinced that the child sitting in front is totally safe… Plus you can’t adjust the sitting position at all and there’s no padded cover for winter times (a must with our -20C winters).

Ahh, the heartburn is here again…

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Room of his own

February 20, 2011

S moved to his own room about a month ago.¬† Or actually me and DH moved our bed to other room (that used to be my office) and S stayed in our old bedroom, now having all that space just for him. Having separate bedrooms is heaven. I sleep a zillion times better and so does S, as he won’t wake up at the time we go to bed. And now we can even talk or cuddle when going to sleep without waking him up! Amazing!

While we were all sleeping in the same room I slept really light and woke up every time there was even a slight noise from his bed. Now I can sleep several hours in a row without waking up. I’m so going to enjoy this¬† luxury until it lasts! S is sleeping much better now too, he some times wakes up around 10-11PM needing the pacifier but he now sleeps even until 8.30AM. I can’t describe what a difference it is to wake up so late compared to the 6AM that was his routine all the months before.

I know a lot of people whose babies/toddler sleep in the same bed with them. I tried that for the first weeks and soon realized that it’s not for us. My neck got totally jammed and I couldn’t find a comfortable position with the baby next to me and slept really badly. So we quickly moved S to his own bed. Of course when I was still breastfeeding there were times that I fell asleep next to him during the night but as soon as I woke up I put him back to his own bed. I’m pretty sure that the newcomer will sleep in her own bed from the beginning too.

This second round I’m much more confident about my abilities how to handle this baby the best possible way. Now I know that I don’t need to follow the same routines my friends do with their children or what is stated as the best way on discussion boards. I also acknowledge that what has worked with S might well not work with the newcomer. I can only wait and see what will work for us the best way this time and take not too much pressure from the outside world. I know already that I’m not the kind of mom who’s into trying out all possible baby-hobbies, obsessing about solemnly breastfeeding the suggested 6 months or never leaving their children for someone else’s care.

I can say it out loud without any shame that I do need also time for my own to keep sane and time alone with DH to keep our relationship working.When we need a babysitter my parents are usually the ones taking care of him; in total they have spent 4 nights during this first year watching after S when me and DH have had some quality time together. We are also lucky and have friends living next door, they have helped a lot watching S a couple of times for a few hours. As our families live in different cities we are a family that travels a lot; during the first year of his life S has spent a night with us at least in 8 different places and he has met a lot of new people.

S is now walking and running like he would have done it his whole life. He loves the vacuum cleaner and all things that make big noises. He’s best friends with one of our cats and goes hugging him several times a day. He has the most wonderful smile and laughter in the world. He makes my heart melt every day.

I ordered this for the newcomer. Cute overload!

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